Adoption Planning II

It's been a little while since we've made some posts, but expect to see some updates over the next few days.  Today's update is all about Adoption Planning II. 

• Information Meeting
• Pre-Adoption Seminar
• Homestudy
• Waiting Pool 
• Chosen by Birthfamily
• Adoption Planning I
• Adoption Planning II
• Placement

If you remember our update about Adoption Planning I, that was essentially a 'getting to know each other' meeting.  After that went well, we kept moving forward.  Between that meeting and Adoption Planning II, we met with the potential birthmother several times and also got to meet her nearly 4 year old son (who is adorable!).

Adoption Planning II took place on Monday, October 29th and was a much more in-depth meeting.  Similar to Adoption Planning I, there were four of us there which included Andy, myself, the expectant birthmother, and the OA&FS counselor (Courtney).  The purpose was to handle a lot of the heavier details about open adoption.  Following a solid 2 1/2 hours together at an Olive Garden doing some heavy thinking, we were done.  It was sort of draining after a long day at work, but it was definitely important!  Here are some of the highlights:

Open Adoption Agreement
We all agreed to some yearly minimums with at least 2 in-person visits, 4 exchanges of pictures with 10+ pictures for each exchange.  These were all minimums, so I can easily see us doing much more with Facebook being a great tool to share all the latest updates and pictures.

Additionally, we talked about sharing information and what everyone was comfortable with.  Before now, we've left off the expectant birthmother's name in all of our posts to respect her privacy.  However, she gave us permission to use her name, so we can stop referring to her as just 'C' or 'birthmother.'  Our really awesome and fun birthmother's name is Carly  :)

Adoption Birth Plan (In-Hospital)
Before this meeting, Carly and Courtney discussed how Carly would like everything to go in the hospital.  This is a great example of how OA&FS is a really good agency.  Prior to the birth, they prepare everyone involved (the birthfamily, the adoptive parents, and the hospital staff).

As the adoptive parents, we really see our role as a supportive one.  The birth of any baby is a momentous occasion.  That day is (and should) be all about Carly.  For us and other adoptive parents, our role is, really, just to show up.  (Hooray for us!)

So for those that want to know the tentative plan, Carly has a C-section scheduled for 10:00am on Monday, November 12th.  Following the C-section, Carly will need some time for recovery and then spend some time to herself with the baby.  When she is ready, she will contact us and we will come to see her and the baby.  After some time together, Andy and I will begin to handle the majority of the baby's care such as changing diapers, feeding, holding, etc.  Again, this is just a tentative plan.  On such a big day, we're expecting timelines and plans to adapt to ensure that everyone is comfortable with how things are going.


This pretty much summarizes our Adoption Planning II meeting!  It was our last group meeting with us, Carly, and Courtney.  We plan on seeing Carly at least one more time before the 12th, but this was the last official OA&FS meeting before the birth.  Keep an eye out for some more updates about our recent painting adventures for the mini-nursery and our upcoming baby shower!

Friday's Ultrasound

I got a text from C. (the potential birthmother we're working with) earlier in the week, saying that she had an ultrasound appointment on Friday. Would I like to be there?

I'm sure you can imagine my response :) Unfortunately, Brian is traveling for work this weekend and couldn't go, but I still wasn't going to miss this! I've never actually seen a live ultrasound before, much less for a child I'm so invested in.

I don't think I was prepared to see this baby move around. I knew intellectually that now, at 35 weeks, this baby is almost fully formed. But actually seeing him on the screen, reacting to us in real time? Completely unexpected. And incredibly amazing. Most parents have the chance to start looking at ultrasounds when the baby's so small it's just a little dot on the screen. We've gone from zero to eight months in the span of two weeks, so I think I'm still experiencing a bit of the "I can't believe this is happening!" feeling.

Anyway, it's all good news! Baby's doing absolutely fine and is a very healthy 5 lbs 7 oz. And I got to see his fingers! The tech wanted to test his fine motor skills; this apparently involved "pissing off baby" by jostling C.'s very pregnant belly around a bit until baby reacted. Seeing his little fists and fingers was the absolute highlight for me.

This was the only one they printed out - I wish it wasn't quite so blurry!

The other great upshot of the day was that I got more of a chance to chat with C. We weren't actually together for very long, but got maybe 20 minutes to just chat in general. After both being so nervous at our first meeting, things felt a lot more natural this time. I'm very much looking forward to us all getting together again when Brian's back in town, especially if we get to meet C.'s almost 4-year-old son!

Quick Update

To get started, I want to thank everyone that's been reading the blog.  All of your comments and support through facebook, emails, calls, in person, etc., has really been amazing!

On Thursday, our series of posts documented everything from getting 'the call' up through our first meeting with our birthmother.  Where we left off, the next step was for Courtney (our counselor from OA&FS) to check back with everyone to make sure we were all happy and ok to move forward.  Good news, that was the case so we're still on track! 

Over the next few weeks, we'll have lots of fun posts as we get to know the birthmother more (perhaps even share her name here if we have permission), ultrasound pictures, and our thoughts as we progress through all of the  fun baby preparation work we have ahead!

• Waiting Pool
• Chosen by Birthfamily 
• Adoption Planning I
•  Between Adoption Planning I & II
• Adoption Planning II (1-2 weeks before delivery)
• Delivery (C-Section scheduled for Nov 12th)
• Placement

We've Been Chosen!

It's been insanely tough to avoid posting this for a few days, but Andy and I have been chosen!  Last Friday, we got a call from Courtney, one of the OA&FS counselors to tell us that one of the birthmothers she had been working with chose us!  It's been a whirlwind week and while we've updated close family on current events, we opted not to post any blog updates until we were a little further along.

In a way, I think we didn't want to jinx ourselves by posting too early.  Luckily for all of you, we have been writing down posts in the meantime and are posting them today now that we've had a meeting with the birthmother that chose us:

It's a Boy! - A rundown on the events of last Friday when we got 'the call'
Babies Need Stuff - Thoughts following a trip to Babies 'R Us on Sunday
Adoption Planning I - Our first meeting with the birthmother who chose us!

Beyond these posts, it might help to have a refresher on the overall adoption process:

• Information Meeting
• Pre-Adoption Seminar
• Homestudy
• Waiting Pool
• Chosen by Birthfamily 
• Adoption Planning I
• Adoption Planning II
• Placement

>>Andy insists upon a Debbie-Downer disclaimer here: nothing's set in stone until a placement would actually occur in November, and an adoption may fall through for any number of reasons. We're very excited and we're confident enough about the placement that we want to share it publicly, but there's always still a small chance that it won't happen.

Assuming everything continues to move forward, we will spend the next few weeks getting to know the birthfamily.  Adoption Planning II will be our last major meeting with the counselor (Courtney) and the birthfamily where we go through lots of details like how things will go in the hospital, level of contact in the open adoption, etc, and this will take place about a week or two before the baby is born.

Overall, this is really exciting for us!  Andy and I are really thrilled to be on the path to an open adoption with an amazing fun and kind birthfamily.  While we have a lot of posts going up today, there will be plenty more in the coming weeks between now and mid-November!

Adoption Planning I

Adoption Planning I is what OA&FS calls the first meeting between an adoptive family, a birthfamily, and the OA&FS counselor.  This meeting is a direct follow up to the birthfamily choosing a specific adoptive family.  It gives everyone a 'get to know you' session where everyone involved can actually meet, talk, and see if they would be comfortable being connected for the rest of their lives.  To sum it up, it's almost like an extended round of speed dating that can result in marriage within days/weeks.

Following Adoption Planning I, the adoptive and birth families each have a day or two to think it over and then confirm with the OA&FS counselor if they want to move forward.  If both sides say 'yes', then everything moves forward.  If one or both sides say 'no', then the adoptive family stays in the waiting pool until they are chosen again, and the birthfamily chooses a 2nd adoptive family or explores options other than adoption.

For this post, both Andy and I want to plug in our individual perspectives to give a full view on how things went today.

Brian's Take
All the way through 'the call' and this past weekend, I'd been pretty even keeled.  However, I definitely started getting really nervous ahead of today's meeting.  For once, I was more nervous/jumpy/emotional than Andy!  Before we met with the birthmom and her dad at 1pm, we had a quick sit down with Courtney (the OA&FS counselor) at a nearby Starbucks.  Not long after, all of us were at Olive Garden sitting down to a great lunch.

I wasn't sure what to expect since I had kept myself from making any assumptions or forming preliminary expectations.  From the moment we met them, all the way through lunch, and then on our drive back home, I was constantly thinking about how nice, fun, and great the birthmother and her father were.  We had some great conversations about our families, passing around pictures, and talking about how each of us got to adoption.  While I already felt that things were going great, it was even better when I learned that the birthmother loves football!

Looking ahead, I'm definitely on board to move forward.  I have my fingers crossed that she will want to move forward too.

Andy's Take
Brian's definitely right that he was more nervous than me, at least in advance of the meeting. Even as we were chatting with Courtney at Starbucks, I felt strangely calm about the situation. Very excited, of course, but not overly anxious. But then as soon as we pulled into the Olive Garden parking lot, it hit me all of a sudden. We were about to meet the woman who might be carrying our child!

(We're not going to mention the expectant woman's name on the blog, or her father's, out of respect for their privacy. Rather, we'll refer to her as "C.", and her father as "M.".)

In advance of the meeting, Courtney prepared us very well by telling us a lot about the birth mother (C.). And specifically, I think she tried to fill us in on all the "bad" things so that we wouldn't be surprised by anything. Not that there's anything really "bad", so to speak; just that C. might take some time to warm up to us as new people, and if she seemed standoffish at first that would be normal for her. So of course I was prepared for the worst - I think I expected C. to sit there sullenly and silently stare at us for a hour. Thankfully, I couldn't have been further from the truth!

It probably took ten or twenty minutes for us to settle into comfortable conversation, but thankfully Courtney was an expert at coordinating that. And really quickly I think everyone was chatting like we were old friends. Okay, maybe not entirely like old friends, but at least well enough that C. started showing some of her dry, sarcastic humor in her interactions with M. After hearing so many details on the phone from Courtney earlier in the week, it was a great experience to be able to actually meet C. and get to know her for ourselves.

We spent maybe two hours at the restaurant, talking about our families, our hobbies, and telling stories. C. even showed us pictures of her three-year-old son, who will be a full sibling to this baby. We left the meeting with a very positive feeling about the entire situation, and we're excited to tell Courtney that tomorrow. And unless we entirely misread the situation, it seemed like C. felt positively about it as well! I guess we'll find out for sure tomorrow, but in the meantime I'd say we're very optimistic about where this is going.