Note: This post was written on Saturday 9/29, regarding the events of the previous day. We chose not to publish it immediately until we had more information about the situation, so please excuse the lateness of the post!
Friday was supposed to be a slow, relaxing day. I had Lasik surgery done on my eyes the day before, and so even though I was feeling fine and could see perfectly, I was taking the day at home to give my body some time to recuperate. I had a follow-up appointment first thing in the morning, and then was home by 9:00, ready to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.
A couple hours later, I had just finished watching an episode of
Star Trek: The Next Generation when Brian called. I almost didn't notice the call (the phone was on silent on the table) and got to it just before it went to voicemail. When I answered, Brian asked what I was doing, ascertained that nothing major was going on, and then he said it: "We've been picked."
I know it sounds cliched, but I was completely speechless. For at least a few seconds, I sat there in silence, trying to comprehend what Brian had just said. Finally, I managed to stutter out "...are you serious?" I couldn't actually believe he was telling the truth, and therefore it must be some kind of joke. See, we've only been in the waiting pool for about two and a half months. The average waiting time in 2010 was 14 months for same-sex couples, and the size of the pool has almost doubled since then. So two and a half months? No way!
But despite my disbelief, Brian assured me it was for real. He had just received a call from Courtney, one of the OA&FS counselors. It was 11:15 - she was available to talk with us at 11:30, or else she could talk with us the next day on Saturday. Well, waiting a full day was not going to happen! Unfortunately Brian was at work and I at home, so we weren't together for this discussion, but we settled on putting together a quick conference call with all three of us, so that Courtney could fill us in on all the details.
Our call with Courtney lasted about an hour, and it was a whirlwind of information. Out of respect for the birth family (whom we haven't met yet), I'm going to avoid writing anything specific about them online. But suffice it to say that Courtney had us reeling from the information overload we got in that hour. We heard all about the birth mother, why she was choosing adoption, what the family situation is, her health history, and all sorts of other information as well.
Keeping up with Courtney was hard, especially with the emotional impact of what we were hearing. I was able to keep everything kind of at arm's length for most of it, so that I could try to objectively analyze what I was hearing. And then Courtney asked, "Do you want to know the gender?" Brian and I both paused a beat, and then simultaneously let out an exclamation that must've sounded like "ohmygod*nervouslaugh*ofcourse(holycrapthisishappening)yes!"
"It's a boy."
And then I was done. It became real. We're having a little baby boy! All of a sudden, it all felt right. I think I missed the next few minutes of our conversation, because I just kept picturing the child who had suddenly become so real to me. But alas, Courtney had more information to give us, so I needed to come back to reality, at least for a little while.
Now came the difficult parts of the conversation. There are some risk factors in the pregnancy that we need to consider. Nothing extremely concerning, and all within the parameters we'd already set, but we do have some things to think about. Courtney did a wonderful job filling us in on all the details she had, and then let us know about our next steps.
Basically, we need to make a yes/no decision to this situation. We need to take all the information Courtney's given us so far and decide whether we're comfortable with it. If we say no, then it all goes away like nothing ever happened. If we say yes, then we're meeting with the birth mother next week, and at the meeting we and she would make a mutual decision about whether we thought it's a good match.
Right now, we're really, really close to saying yes to the situation. The birth mother has a specific medical condition that we weren't previously familiar with, and we're currently trying to do more research to find out about that illness and its effect on fetuses. But otherwise, the overall situation seems really wonderful, and we're very much leaning towards a "yes".
If we say yes, then we meet with the birth mother next week. And then if that goes well, the baby's due to be born via a C-section on November 12. November 12! We could have a baby in just over 6 weeks! Holy crap!
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Even if we say yes, and even if next week's meeting goes well, there's still a number of things that could happen between now and November 12 that might cause this to fall through. So I try to keep reminding myself that I'm allowed to be excited, while still acknowledging that this is far from a sure thing. But damn, is it exciting!
There are so many questions right now. We know a lot about the birth family, but there's a ton more we don't know. And of course, I'm an emotional mess right now. I'm incredibly excited, and even more nervous, and somehow I still can't quite convince myself that this is all real. No matter how everything turn out, the next six weeks are going to be a wild ride.
Beyond these posts, it might help to have a refresher on the overall adoption process:
