Adoption Process - What Does Our Experience Look Like?

Time to check back in after a few busy weeks!  Just recently, we have received a big jump in screening calls, work has clicked into a higher gear, and I was also somehow able to make time to meet with some friends in the adoption waiting pool or currently exploring the possibility of adoption.

Just sitting down to talk and think about the process of adoption got me thinking.  When we first started our journey, one of the things I found the most interesting and engaging were the stories from adoptive parents.  Their direct experiences represented a real connection to what Andy and I were signing ourselves up for.

Our first adoption with Dominic went very quickly.  That was great for us, but it also meant that we had a completely different experience compared to our time for this second adoption.  In fact, now feels like a great time for a refresher on the overall process to compare the two.

Typical Adoption Process
Looking at the basics, the adoption process after entry into the waiting pool distills down to a few key points for every adoptive family.

• Everything starts out with a splash into the waiting pool on Day 1.
• At 12 months, adoptive families need to sign a fresh yearly contract with the agency and some other minor paperwork.
• Next up is the average wait time for adoptive families at 14 to 15 months.  
• At 21 months, families still in the pool will approach a decision point and need to update their homestudy to remain in the pool after 24 months.  Many families opt to update their materials at this time as well.
• At 24 months, families will again sign the yearly contract and redo paperwork.
• This process will then repeat in two-year intervals (aside from pool entry) until adoptive families are either selected or leave the pool.

Our Experience
With Dominic, we barely made it into the chart above before we were chosen (just 2.5 months).  On this go around, there has been a lot more to document!  Building on the base chart, I've overlaid several key elements during our wait:

• Current Wait Time - 20 months
• Material Updates - 1
• Screening Emails/Calls - 17
• OA&FS Counselor Changes - 2
• Dominic's Birthdays - 2

While our experience isn't done yet, we are rapidly approaching the stage where we will begin a new homestudy.  We will hopefully have a new counselor soon who we will team up with for that effort and to help review a refresh of our family letter and book given that a lot can change in a year.

Until then, Andy and I are looking forward to a break away from thinking about adoption and work as we are taking a brief vacation out to Hawaii.  We haven't been there since our honeymoon over 5 years ago, so it will be fun to get away for a few days and recharge!

Kicking Off 2016 - OA&FS Holiday Party

While we're nearly to the end of January, the Seattle office for our adoption agency held the yearly holiday party today.  Understanding that the holidays can be crazy busy, it's really helpful that this event is always planned during a quieter time when many of the adoptive families and OA&FS staff can attend.

Face painting + Cookies!

We got to talk to so many great people from OA&FS.  It was great to reconnect in person since the last time we saw everyone was in August.  Our original counselor, Katie, was there.  We also got to chat with Heather, Delphine, Megan, and Maria.  Since our most recent counselor, Alissa, has moved on recently, it was very helpful to reconnect in a bit in person while we're in transition.

Dominic especially enjoyed the party.  Even though he was a bit shy to start out, he broke out of his shell and got in a few laps running around, loading up on sugar, and having a grand time.  He even got his face painted like a gorilla/monkey!

For Andy and I, we enjoyed being able to chat with some of the other adoptive families.  Being able to trade war stories and cute updates about our current kids is always a treat.  Personally, talking with the OA&FS staff was good for me.  It was exciting to hear that our letter was just sent out in collective books to potential birthfamilies just this week.  While that doesn't mean anything direct, it's heartening to hear that there are opportunities for birthfamilies considering adoption to get to know us as a potential option for their child!

18 months? Time to put hats on cats.

Today marks 18 months in the pool.  It also marks the day when we're finally getting around to making our yearly holiday cards.  While we're a bit behind, that didn't mean I didn't have fun doing it.  I drug out an old "elf" outfit from when Dominic was a newborn and tried to work out some photo magic with our cats, Alex and Sybil.

 

          

In addition to feeling time pass by as we hit the 18 month mark in the waiting pool, time also seems to be passing by on the work front too. After several years (six!) of being in leadership positions with my company's young professionals group, I have now stepped back to let others take the reins.  Moving to an advisor (past president) position definitely has me feeling that my life is transitioning into a new phase.  There were a ton of things I will continue to be proud of from my work with the YPG the past few years, but now I'm starting to consider what is next on the horizon.  In a way, it's an odd place to be as I'm beginning to shift away from the "young" part of my career while I have always envisioned myself as having kids during that "young" stage of life.

Quite some time ago, I had it set in my mind that an age difference of 2 years was ideal between Dominic and a little brother or sister.  As I'm feeling less young and Dominic will now be at least 3 years older than a sibling, managing the wait is getting to be a bit tougher.



Looking back on the past 18 months, now is a good time for a brief set of updates in relation to our experience with round two of our adoption process:

Pool Entry - June 5, 2015
Current Wait - 18 months
Average Wait (Per OA&FS Annual Report) - 15 months

Total Families in the Waiting Pool - 83
Families Waiting Over 18 Months - 32 (39%)
Families Waiting Less than 18 Months - 50 (60%)

Families Entering the Pool After June 5, 2015 - 77
Families Chosen Between June 5, 2015 and Today - 27

Screening Emails Since June 5, 2015 - 12

In general, there won't continue to be any major updates to share for a few months unless if we chosen by a birth family.  However, we will have to renew our homestudy and many other items in less than 6 months (late Spring 2016).  If time continues to tick by, we will share a post on what that means. (Hint: It's more money, more time, and more paperwork.)

In the meantime, Happy Holidays!  I hope you all find some time to enjoy some fun distractions while keeping in the holiday spirit...like dressing up your pets in ridiculous outfits.

The Near Miss

Whether you're actively waiting in a pool to be picked for an adoption or you know people that are, that means that you have likely found yourself at one point asking/answering the question "Have you heard anything new?"

After being in the waiting pool for over 17 months, our highlights of that period have been limited to responding to the occasional screening email, updating our materials, and getting a new counselor.  Effectively, we didn't have any updates that got us any closer to an adoption than we were on Day 1 in the waiting pool.  On Monday, we had a case where that changed, albeit briefly.  That day, we got a high priority phone call for a screening.  In this case, it was for a last minute placement which meant we had to call back with our answer in less than 2 hours.

Just like all other screenings, saying yes to the situation only meant that our profile would be presented.  However, the unique situation with receiving a phone call from a counselor about a case where a baby girl had already been born was much more real (in comparison to the typical screening email).  Andy and I talked through the situation and said "yes" to being presented.

When I called the counselor back to say "yes," I also learned that a relatively small number of families were being contacted.  Being the engineer I am, the situation made it even more of a realistic possibility that we could be selected within hours out of a small group of adoptive families.

After months of waiting, it was tough not to daydream about the possibility of being chosen.  I found myself filling out a FMLA form for work, looking forward to spending time with a newly expanded family, and trying to pick out favorite baby girl names off our list despite telling myself that the odds of being chosen were still well under a 50-50 chance.  The sheer change in perspective from waiting indefinitely to possibly being chosen in mere hours or minutes was transformative.  Unfortunately, it was only temporary.

By the end of Monday, Andy and I had not gotten "the call."  We assumed that we were not chosen.  Tuesday morning, the counselor that had originally contacted us was very kind to follow up by email.  This sort of follow up rarely happens for screenings, and it was helpful for us to have some level of closure to know that another family was chosen.

Moving forward again, this doesn't really change anything.  We are still one adoptive family among many others waiting to be chosen to parent a child.  However, for a short time, we were able to experience clear optimism, excitement, and hope.  These sorts of feelings remind us just how much we've invested into having a second child and how much we still hope for that to someday happen.

OA&FS Annual Report

Every fall, our adoption agency releases their annual report which gives a great rundown of all the activities over the past year, stories of successful open adoptions, lists of volunteers and contributors, and also a summary of statistics.

If any of you are interested in taking a look, here is where they have it available online.

While I like the background and stories, I've got a mindset that has me skimming to the end to see the numbers.  Those numbers hold a lot of interesting pieces of information for us as we're waiting to be chosen.  Here are some key data points which compare the most recent fiscal year (July 2014 to June 2015) to the previous year:

Overall, there aren't too many differences of note.  The average wait time is 15 months which ticked up slightly.  (This is based solely on the adoptive families chosen during each 12 month period.)  If Andy and I were chosen today, we would just be slightly above the average as we are over 16 months in.

There are a few other fun numbers in here which can at least partially relate to the numbers from our last post showing statistics on selections from the waiting pool for all families joining after us in the window from June 5, 2014 to June 5, 2015.