Prediction Roundup

It's been a couple of weeks since our last post asking for predictions and we had quite a few predictions come in.  Just for fun, we put together a little chart that summarizes all of the guesses!

The top entry for "Average Wait" represents the low end of the average wait time for our agency.  We don't have up-to-date numbers, but this is likely 18-24 months.  Compared to this, everyone is very optimistic for us, so we appreciate your happy thoughts!  :)

Open Question Thread

We were chatting with our good friend Kyle today, and he brought up a great point: while we've had the chance to write about many adoption-related topics on this blog, he still had a lot of other remaining questions to ask us. (Coincidentally, his first question was actually about naming the child, which we just wrote about earlier today!)

So at Kyle's suggestion, we'll open this one up for questions :) I can't promise that we have all the answers, and given the craziness of the upcoming week we may not be able to respond right away, but we want to invite any and all questions about how this process is going to be working for us. Just leave a note in the comments and we'll do our best!

Baby Name Research

A lot of you have already asked us if we've been thinking about baby names.  For a while, we've held off on first names because some first name-last name combos can sound a little weird.  Of course, now that we have our family last name decided, we're finally free to plow ahead and start thinking of some first name options!

Like many parents, we'll waffle on baby names for quite some time until we actually have to make a decision.  Part of that is tied up in how we won't know a lot about the baby until we are chosen by a birth family.  Another part is that we have enough problems choosing where to go to dinner some nights, so making a decision that will have a lifelong impact for our child is even tougher.

At this time, Andy and I are planning on doing some research into baby names to develop some short lists.  We'll each create our own lists for boys and girls and then have those on hand to use as a go-to list if we suddenly have a last minute placement.  Amazingly, the government will be helping us do this!  The US Social Security Administration has an excellent database for history and statistics on baby names.  They track the top 1,000 baby names for boys and girls of any year going back decades.  Just for fun, I've included a quick screen grab of their Top 10 of 2011: 

 

While we'll be using lists like these from the SSA website as a reference, feel free to post a comment with any suggestions you have.  I know our friend Eric has already started lobbying for us to name a boy....Eric.  Very stealthy of him.  

In honor of Eric's efforts, here are some fun facts:
1. Eric was the 103rd most popular name for boys in 2011
2. The name Eric has been decreasing in popularity since it peaked in the mid 1970's
3. Our friend Eric is getting old.
4. Name rankings won't play a huge factor for us, so after ribbing Eric I might still be nice and put his name on the list  :)

Is That Your Final Answer? - Screening Tool

Back in mid-April, I put up two posts about the Screening Tool which our agency uses to help decide which adoptive families to show to various birthmothers/birthfamilies depending on their situation.  If the birthmother knows that she is having a boy, all of the adoptive families that only want a girl won't be included in her list to choose from.

The two original posts about the top half and bottom half of the screening tool included a lot of tentative answers.  Now that we've had time to do some research, our answers are at a final draft stage.  We're posting them here to share with you before we leave for a 2-week vacation in Europe.  That will give us time to really think about our answers, all of you to give any input you might like to add, and then for us to come back with a fresh mindset to make any final tweaks before we submit our Screening Tool to our counselor, Katie.

Top Half of the Screening Tool

This was the easiest section.  Our answers were the same as before, but I'll list them here as a refresher:
Age - Newborn to 3 months
Gender - Either boy or girl
Description / Race - All
Twins -  Yes

Bottom Half of the Screening Tool

This was by far the hardest section.  Everything in the top half was very straightforward while this section is all about potential risks.  Even with 'Severe' exposure in any of these categories, a baby could still be perfectly healthy and normal, but the inherent risks are present.

Alcohol - Mild
Notes - It's been well documented that alcohol use during pregnancy can result in birth defects.  For us, we just have to decide how willing we are to risk it.  Realistically, I have a few drinks every week.  If I were to accidentally get pregnant, then my baby would automatically be in the 'Mild' or 'Moderate' category since it would take a few weeks to find out I was pregnant.  Overall, I think the biggest concern is binge drinking which boosts exposure compared to drinks that are spread out over time.  In this instance, additional research on WebMD and Wikipedia make me feel comfortable with 'Mild' exposure.  There may be cases where 'Moderate' may also be ok, but that would be a case-by-case basis.  

Marijuana - Moderate
Notes - This was a tougher one to research.  Given marijuana's status as an illegal substance, there's a lot of speculation and 'just say no' information out there.  Sticking with WebMD, there is a brief paragraph suggesting risk of premature birth and low birth weight.  Wikipedia has some conflicting research.  Another article chock full of research takes a more realistic look at the research and suggests that there is not consistent evidence based on research that marijuana is harmful.  An interesting thing to note is that limited research cases and sample sizes for the research that has been done may also be impacted by concurrent factors such as alcohol use, poor nutrition, etc. during pregnancy.  For this case, it is readily apparent that marijuana is far less harmful than alcohol and we're very comfortable with going 'Moderate'. 

Methamphetamine - Moderate
Notes -Meth is another drug with limited research available.  One source lists increased rates of premature delivery fetal growth retardation, heart abnormalities, and brain abnormalities.  A WebMD article reviewing a study with mice showed distinctive changes with a single low dose of meth.  Additional information from March of Dimes shows low birth weights and smaller head sizes for babies, but does not address the amount of exposure to meth.  Our response for this is 'Moderate' which matches marijuana, but this is an exposure of seemingly greater concern that may need to be addressed if we are chosen by a birthmother that has used meth. 

Cocaine - Moderate
Notes -  The National Institute on Drug Abuse has some interesting analysis on cocaine.  They say that extreme damage is not likely but that there are signs that there could be later deficits in children for areas of cognitive performance, information processing, and attention to tasks.  WedMD has some additional review that reference back to NIDA.  For this case, I think I'd lean towards a similar 'Moderate' answer that was given above for meth. 

Heroin - Moderate
Notes - NIDA has a high level review for heroin with the main concern being low birth weight.  March of Dimes discusses several potential issues such as withdrawal, lower birth weight, breathing problems, and learning/behavioral problems.  Continuing the trend, we'll stick with a 'Moderate' rating along the lines of the previous two. 

Prescription Narcotics - Moderate
Notes -  Some examples of these are oxycodone and hydrocodone.  Given the wide variety in this category, there could be a variety in both the magnitude and type of affects.  March of Dimes supports this with a general catchall that "some medications can hurt your baby, causing birth defects, premature birth, and other health risks."  Given that this one has such a wide range of drug types, a solid 'Moderate' rating seems appropriate.

Tobacco - Moderate
Notes -  NIDA has some surprising stats here.  They state that about 16% of pregnant women smoke during their pregnancies.  The adverse effects include fetal growth retardation and decreased birth weight.  On the positive side, there seems to be a dose-dependent correlation with birth weights which means that the potential for negative impacts reduces as the amount of smoking is reduced.  Similar to many other drugs, development of addition for the baby is possible.  WebMD has similar information but also discusses cleft palate.  The majority of these are all short-term problems that can be addressed right away, so a 'Moderate' response fits well.

Mental Illness of Birthparent - Moderate
Notes - The next three categories are more easily answered without research.  This one is more heavily influenced by our long-term relationship with the birthparent(s) rather than the health of the baby.  There could be a wide range here from minor things such as depression or autism all the way up to schizophrenia.  Katie specifically pointed out that finding a birthparent with 'None' in this category is getting more and more rare with a higher rate of diagnosis for things like autism.  For us, I think that 'Moderate' is a happy medium which will open us to a majority of birthfamilies and we can make decisions on a case-by-case basis.

Developmental Disabilities of Birthparent - Moderate
Notes -  Similar to the last category, this will be important for maintaining a relationship with the parent.  Many development disabilities can be due to external influences like accidents or trauma.  Katie also provided some input here with some specific guidance that IQ plays a factor in the screening.  At this stage, 'Moderate' feels right for us.

Child with Known Medical Condition - Moderate
Notes -  Well... this is a vague category isn't it?  In truth, this could be completely independent of drugs.  In an unplanned pregnancy, a birthmom might not realize or accept she's pregnant until month 5 or 6.  It would then make sense that the baby would be behind in development due to lack of proper nutrients.  Something like that can be corrected but could warrant a Mild or Moderate designation.  There are many more potential considerations here, but 'Moderate' seems like an acceptable catch all that reflects what we may be able to accept.



Whew! Glad that's done.

It's important to remember with this list that it's meant as a general guide, and individual cases may vary. The agency will use this to ensure that they aren't handing out our profile to birth families in situations where we're sure we won't be comfortable, but that's as far as this tool's usefulness goes. If and when a birth family picks us, we'll still absolutely have a chance to review the individual circumstances and make our own decision then. There's a great facility at UW which will review the mother's and child's medical records for a small fee, and will be able to provide better guidance based on the specific parameters. So it's good to have this research in now, although we'll have a lot more thinking to do in the future!

We'd love any input that you have too. Any comments, questions, or other feedback are definitely welcome!

Open Question: What Opportunities and Values Do You Want for Your Kids?

We're working on filling out a bunch of paperwork for our adoption application, and one of the forms will be used to give birth mothers more information about our family. It includes this question:

What opportunities, experiences and values do you plan to offer your child(ren)?

Now there's a difficult question to answer in just a couple sentences! But I thought I'd turn around and pose the question to all of you: how would you succinctly sum up the opportunities, experiences, and values that you want for your children?

We're looking forward to reading responses from all of you, including anyone who has kids, wants kids, or just has something to say :)


Update 2/29:
Some responses we got via Facebook:

Aaron: Lots of walks; the occasional wheat-free, corn-free treat; the occasional highly treasured, stolen sock (as long as it's not actually eaten); sun-soaked spots on the couch and floor in which to rest; visits by beloved friends and family

John: I would want my child to know empathy, to be able to see the world from another's perspective. In order to live on a crowded planet, it helps to not be inflexible, to not always have to be right. The best way I know how to learn empathy? Global travel and reading. Lots of reading.

Tyler: Family structure, support, and above all unconditional love; appreciation of good food shared with good friends; travel and exposure to other cultures; sense of humor; music; and a solid moral foundation (kindness, manners, and the like). I'm probably forgetting something. Keegan says it's cheating to get others to answer your app questions ;).

Michael: If we were to have children I would want them to grow up with a close connection to family, to value what they have more than what they want, and to instill in them a sense of wonder about the world.