Day 387 - A New Milestone, Culture Shifts and Celebration

This weekend marks many good things for us.  First, the major news on the Supreme Court ruling is one that we cannot simply pass by.  While those of us in the State of Washington have been able to marry for many years now (since Dominic was a mere 3 weeks old), the hard work and sacrifices of many dedicated people have brought equality to the US.  Not too long ago, it would have been unthinkable for Andy and I to be adopting children and expanding our family.  Today, families like ours are rapidly becoming...normal.  Even though that makes life a little less exciting, it's a great step forward.

This ruling also coincides well with Pride weekend here in Seattle.  While we didn't spray paint Dominic's short-lived mohawk into a rainbow (we're terrible parents!), it is great to realize that Dominic will be growing up in a world where Pride will an occasion of celebration and fun rather than a struggle for basic human rights and recognition.



Now, on to the lighter stuff as this is a blog all about our adoption!  Today marks Day 387 in the waiting pool.  It also marks the day where we've submitted updates for all of our outward facing adoption materials!

Sneak Preview - Pg 1 of our New Family Book

Back in April, we began the semi-herculean effort to update our family book, letter, and online photos from scratch.  Technically, we could just throw some things together and call it good.  However, I'm an OCD engineer and I nit pick on every single detail, sentence, layout, and photo.

As part of our process, we've had one photo shoot with our amazing friendtographer Amy, dug through literally thousands of other photos from the past few years, and then written and rewritten content over countless evenings, nights, bus rides, plane flights, and random musings in the shower.  (You know those times when you shake yourself out of your thoughts and realize you've been standing there in the shower doing nothing for 15 minutes?)  Suffice it to say, this is a big milestone and I'm thrilled to be at this point.

Pretty soon, we'll have a new update to post once OA&FS makes the content update to the website official.  Not quite the same as an announcement of being chosen, but it's still a pretty cool accomplishment given that I'm really digging our new formatting!

Managing "The Wait" - 1 Year

As of today, we have been waiting in the pool for a full year (our waiting pool-versary?).  In essence, we've spent a lot of time with Ginger.

Ginger, our "waiting" pool giraffe

Given that it's been such a long time (for us), Andy and I have adapted to manage the wait differently.  I think we have both been busy with Dominic, with work, family, friends, and various projects.  On top of all of that, it's hard to dwell too much on the wait for a 2nd child.

For me personally, I've been starting to get more and more anxious as we've neared this milestone.  Dominic is now over 2 1/2 years old and we have started the process of updating all of our adoption materials because life changes quite a bit in a year.  Also, if we are still waiting at this time next year, we will likely be updating all of our adoption materials again and redo-ing our homestudy.

Looking back at our post reviewing everyone's predictions on gender and when we would get picked, I think it's been proven that we have a lot of optimistic family and friends.  Out of 10 guesses, only 3 estimate the wait at longer than 1 year.  At present, my prediction of 13 months is currently on deck and will quickly be followed by Angie and Andy's guesses.  Everyone else....stay away from Vegas  :)

From talking to our new counselor (Alissa), the average wait may have shifted down closer to 16 months, but there are still a large number of families waiting to be chosen.  As of today, we are one of 90 families in the pool.

Speaking of the pool, the OA&FS website lists families in the order they joined the waiting pool with the families waiting the longest showing up first.  When we joined the pool a year ago today, we were the last family on the list.  Today, we are 51st on the list out of the 90 families.  As of today, 50 families have been waiting longer than 12 months and another 39 families have been waiting less 12 months.  (There have also likely been several families that joined the pool after us and have already been selected which would influence these final numbers.)

While we haven't been picked yet, we have had a recent uptick in screening emails which has kept things interesting.  After 2 early screening emails last summer, we didn't have another until January.  In total since we joined the pool, we have now had 8 screening emails.


Looking ahead, what's next for us?  Well, we still need to finalize our family book updates to reflect fresh pictures of Dominic, ourselves, and a slightly revamped presentation of our book.  I'm definitely more inclined to tinker than Andy is (sorry Andy!), but this is definitely one way I'm managing the wait and feeling like I'm still managing some level of control in the process.

Thanks to everyone that has been so supportive over the last 12 months.  As we move forward, we'll have our fingers crossed that someday soon we'll have good news to share with all of you!

OA&FS Annual Report

So a couple weeks ago, our adoption agency sent out their annual report. Being the numbers geeks that we are, Brian and I pored over all the updated statistics they sent. Nothing major has changed, but I thought it was a good opportunity to talk about what some of these items mean for us.

The updated average number of placements per year is now 41. (I'm not sure how far back that average goes, or if it just means there were 41 placements last year.) At the time I'm writing this, there are 97 families waiting in the pool. You don't need complicated math to see that there are a lot more folks waiting for placements than there are placements happening! At the same time, those numbers are fairly consistent with what they've been over the past few years, so there's not much of a surprise there.

At the same time, the average wait time between entering the pool and placement is down slightly to 14 months. So at least that metric's moving in a good direction! There seems to be a bit of a fluctuation with this one over the past few years, though. When we first starting working with OA&FS a few years ago, it was 10 to 12 months; it increased a lot the following year, and now it's back down again. It'll be interesting to see how this continues to change.

I was surprised to see that 23% of placements are last minute, meaning that adoption planning begins at or after birth. By comparison, a few years ago this number was at 7%. When we adopted Dominic, we had the benefit of about seven weeks' notice to get everything ready. But while we've always known it's a possibility that our next placement might have less time for preparation, this drives home how common it's becoming!

It was nice to see this report and get a chance to mull over some numbers, since that's how Brian and I tend to process a lot of this. We've been waiting for about four months now, and while that's a lot less time (so far) than most people wait, it's already almost double what we waiting before Dominic arrived! Who knows when a placement will happen, but I'm enjoying finding ways like this to stay engaged with the waiting process.

Day 101

Time for another check in on the blog!  Continuing the trend I've been on in previous posts by tracking the total days in the pool, I'm actually enjoying being a dork and tracking our wait in measurable numbers.  Seeing the numbers add up make me feel a little validated.  The way my mind works, when I undertake something big, I like to see continual progress rather than listless stagnation.

Of course, my mind knows that each day that passes also brings us closer to having two kids in the house.  At times, parenting one child is a handful!  Parenting two will be daunting at times.  I still remember when Dominic first came home with us and we became hermits for a few months.  With some luck, this won't happen to us after our second placement:

As another way of passing the time which both makes the possibility of a second child both more real and front-of-mind is that we're continuing to educate Dominic about how he will be a big brother some day.  He still doesn't understand the concept quite yet, but he is now frequently pointing out babies when he sees them out in public.  He also happily points out every "bus" too, but we're making progress!

Waiting Pool Stat Update

We were out of town for an awesome wedding at the start of the month and missed the usual waiting pool stat update.  Pending a more involved update in the future, here are a couple of highlights for the moment:

• Total Families - 96 (100 in Aug)
• 14 new families in the pool since we entered on June 5th (14.5% of the total pool)

79 Days - Entering New Territory!

Today, August 22nd, marks a special occasion for our time in the waiting pool.  Our first time around in the waiting pool lasted a shockingly short 2 1/2 months -- or more precisely, 79 days.  We still feel very lucky to have been picked by such a wonderful birthmother so quickly and to now have such a great little boy in our family.

This time around, we're gearing ourselves up for what matches up to a more "typical" stay in the waiting pool.  That effort to develop a mindset of moderately optimistic realism is validated today as we have now officially been waiting 79 days.

Looking ahead, this means that we actually have to be proactive about mentally managing our wait in the pool.  One thing we have on our side is Dominic's endless supply of energy!  He's always moving, excited to explore new things, and read new books which certainly keeps us busy as well!

Leaning against a tree at the park

Occupying 3rd base

Taking a break with Papa on a walk

In addition to all of our regular activities with Dominic, we recently got in a visit with Dominic's birth mother, Carly.  We all had a great time hanging out together playing at a combo playground-sprayground.  Dominic loved the water, play structures....and the mulch.  To recharge after all that playing, we all made an impromptu (and tasty) stop by a Dairy Queen for blizzards.  I'm really glad that Dominic enjoys seeing Carly and that we all have fun during these trips.  It is even better now that Dominic is eagerly saying names these days and can easily say "Carly" before he runs and gives her a hug.

Dominic showing his birthmom Carly how to play with mulch!

For us as the adoptive parents, we have the regular need that typical parents have for personal time on top of the background need to manage our wait in the pool.  Besides taking care of Dominic, life at work, and things around the house, we're really trying to focus on things that keep us active and happy.

Andy recently gave me the thumbs up to go get a kayak.  It's something I've talked about doing for years and finally did!  So far, I've been out on the water twice, and it's amazing.  The ability to be out in the kayak free from responsibilities and meeting the needs of others is refreshing.  It also makes for a good workout too!

The view from my kayak on Lake Washington

So... we're now 79 days in with potentially many more to go?  Who knows!  We won't know how many days are left until we get the call.  It could be today or it could be a ways down the road.

Just for fun, the earliest prediction from our prediction post was November 12, 2014 (Elise).  While today is #79 in the pool, Nov 12th is day #161.  Strange to realize that we're only at the halfway point to the earliest prediction!

A lot can happen in life over 79 days.  With our next semi-milestone in 82 days, there will likely be plenty more things that mark the passage of time.  While I know I will still continue to keep one eye on the waiting pool and our ever increasing time in the pool, we already have a wedding to celebrate, Halloween outfits to prep, and a 2nd birthday to plan for.  Whether we're consciously trying to make it happen or not, our life is helping us manage the wait.