Approaching the Homestudy Update

Life is moving along these days and it's already mid-April.  Since our last post, we've continued to accrue more adoption waiting pool "experience" on our way to the two year mark.  From our earlier post on our adoption experience to date (back in February), the big item on the horizon for us was our homestudy renewal.

Since December, we've been waiting to get a new counselor.  Since February, we've learned that our agency was having some challenges getting a new counselor on board.  Rather than having a new counselor work with us to do our homestudy renewal, we'll be working directly with a former counselor who is now the regional supervisor for the local office.  On one side, it will be nice to work with an experienced counselor.  On the other side, knowing that we'll likely have a minimum of 4 counselors over our wait does represent a level of inconsistency in our course through the process.

Now that we know who will be doing our homestudy, we do have a meeting setup with her to do all of our interviews in one go.  During that time, she'll get to see our house, conduct one-on-one interviews with Andy and I, and then collect any other info she needs to update our homestudy report.  For us, it'll be an opportunity to connect back in to our process and feel like we're doing something active during our wait.

Admittedly, the wait has been getting tougher over the past few weeks.  Just recently, there was another urgent screening email which needed a reply in under 90 minutes.  After an urgent call between us during a morning at work, we opted to say yes.  On my end, I then promptly lost most of my work focus during the day and had my fingers crossed.  It was still a long shot, but every little chance we have to be chosen just feels more magnified.  Of the 17 families that joined the waiting pool in the 3 months after we entered, only 4 remain.  There are still 19 families who have waited longer than we have.  Collectively, I know all 20 of us are likely very anxious and ready to be chosen.

When we began the process for our first adoption, one segment during our pre-adoption seminar was all about managing grief.  We touched on these in our summary posts, but from our perspective there was very little grief to manage.  As a gay couple, we never have had an opportunity to control our process to building a family.  That was a basic expectation.  We were just thrilled to be at that seminar and take the first step.  However, I think that topic is applicable to our status now.  Being unable to control our process, our role has been to wait while time ticks by.  As that time goes by, Dominic grows older, we grow older, and not much effectively changes for us with respect to an adoption.  Just the same as it was when we entered the pool, we could be chosen 5 minutes from now or 5 years from now despite having 22 and a half months go by.

In the meantime, we're focusing on keeping busy.  Just today, Dominic had a fun trip to the park to get out and enjoy the nice weather.  He's a happy little guy who has changed so much over the past few weeks and months.

His independent, smart, and adventurous spirit helps keep us active and on our toes.


Both Andy and I are training for a half-marathon in May.  We've each run races before, but never a half-marathon together.  With some luck, we'll both manage to drag each other across the finish line in decent time.  While we may have no control over the finish line in our second adoption, the finish line for our race is one we can cross under our own power...and hopefully in under 2 hours!

Adoption Process - What Does Our Experience Look Like?

Time to check back in after a few busy weeks!  Just recently, we have received a big jump in screening calls, work has clicked into a higher gear, and I was also somehow able to make time to meet with some friends in the adoption waiting pool or currently exploring the possibility of adoption.

Just sitting down to talk and think about the process of adoption got me thinking.  When we first started our journey, one of the things I found the most interesting and engaging were the stories from adoptive parents.  Their direct experiences represented a real connection to what Andy and I were signing ourselves up for.

Our first adoption with Dominic went very quickly.  That was great for us, but it also meant that we had a completely different experience compared to our time for this second adoption.  In fact, now feels like a great time for a refresher on the overall process to compare the two.

Typical Adoption Process
Looking at the basics, the adoption process after entry into the waiting pool distills down to a few key points for every adoptive family.

• Everything starts out with a splash into the waiting pool on Day 1.
• At 12 months, adoptive families need to sign a fresh yearly contract with the agency and some other minor paperwork.
• Next up is the average wait time for adoptive families at 14 to 15 months.  
• At 21 months, families still in the pool will approach a decision point and need to update their homestudy to remain in the pool after 24 months.  Many families opt to update their materials at this time as well.
• At 24 months, families will again sign the yearly contract and redo paperwork.
• This process will then repeat in two-year intervals (aside from pool entry) until adoptive families are either selected or leave the pool.

Our Experience
With Dominic, we barely made it into the chart above before we were chosen (just 2.5 months).  On this go around, there has been a lot more to document!  Building on the base chart, I've overlaid several key elements during our wait:

• Current Wait Time - 20 months
• Material Updates - 1
• Screening Emails/Calls - 17
• OA&FS Counselor Changes - 2
• Dominic's Birthdays - 2

While our experience isn't done yet, we are rapidly approaching the stage where we will begin a new homestudy.  We will hopefully have a new counselor soon who we will team up with for that effort and to help review a refresh of our family letter and book given that a lot can change in a year.

Until then, Andy and I are looking forward to a break away from thinking about adoption and work as we are taking a brief vacation out to Hawaii.  We haven't been there since our honeymoon over 5 years ago, so it will be fun to get away for a few days and recharge!

Kicking Off 2016 - OA&FS Holiday Party

While we're nearly to the end of January, the Seattle office for our adoption agency held the yearly holiday party today.  Understanding that the holidays can be crazy busy, it's really helpful that this event is always planned during a quieter time when many of the adoptive families and OA&FS staff can attend.

Face painting + Cookies!

We got to talk to so many great people from OA&FS.  It was great to reconnect in person since the last time we saw everyone was in August.  Our original counselor, Katie, was there.  We also got to chat with Heather, Delphine, Megan, and Maria.  Since our most recent counselor, Alissa, has moved on recently, it was very helpful to reconnect in a bit in person while we're in transition.

Dominic especially enjoyed the party.  Even though he was a bit shy to start out, he broke out of his shell and got in a few laps running around, loading up on sugar, and having a grand time.  He even got his face painted like a gorilla/monkey!

For Andy and I, we enjoyed being able to chat with some of the other adoptive families.  Being able to trade war stories and cute updates about our current kids is always a treat.  Personally, talking with the OA&FS staff was good for me.  It was exciting to hear that our letter was just sent out in collective books to potential birthfamilies just this week.  While that doesn't mean anything direct, it's heartening to hear that there are opportunities for birthfamilies considering adoption to get to know us as a potential option for their child!

Day 457 - Stats of the Pool

Happy Labor Day Weekend everyone!  I've been eagerly looking forward to a slightly longer weekend away from work, college football, and the impending availability of pumpkin spice flavoring.

Aside from all of these things, I have also been tinkering with data on the OA&FS waiting pool for the past several weeks.  It's been a while since we've had an update on the statistics, so a holiday weekend seems like a great time to put this together and try to come up with some relevant conclusions based on everything we have on hand!

How Has the Waiting Pool Changed Since We Joined?
Back on June 5th of 2014, we joined the waiting pool.  After joining the pool, more families entered.  Over time, some of those families were selected to by birth families while others like us continued to remain in the pool.

This table shows how families continued to enter the pool after we did.  By the end of 2014, 30 adoptive families had entered the pool.  As of today, 68 families have entered the pool since we did.  Of those 68 families, 23 left the pool and 45 still remain in the pool like us.

Building on the table, this chart provides a clearer visual.  The gray bars show the increasing number of families entering the pool over time.  Green and blue lines show the split between families leaving the pool and remaining in the pool over time.  One interesting thing to note is how the green and blue lines cross.  This illustrates how the majority of families entering the pool between June 5th and Dec 31st have already left the pool (green).  

Composition of the Waiting Pool
Given that the waiting pool is quite sizable, it is interesting to break it down into more manageable groups.  One of the easier metrics to track is orientation.

The chart above shows how the composition of the pool at each of the dates previously used above specific to families entering the waiting pool after we did on June 5, 2014.  The immediate takeaways show three interesting facts:

1. There have been very few lesbian families entering the pool since we entered.  While this is odd on the surface, it may just be a coincidence of timing.
2. The proportion of straight families in the pool has consistently risen over time (7%)
3. The proportion of gay families has shifted slightly and dropped up to 6%.

Rate of Selection

The data above on orientation is mainly surface level.  Digging a step deeper, we have enough information to clearly depict the rate at which each group is being "selected."  Here, I am using the term "selected" as these adoptive families may be selected by birth families or leave the pool due to personal circumstances without being chosen.

Tracking the rate of selection, there are two clear trends.  One is that straight couples typically accounted for 86-91% of the selected families.  The other is that gay couples accounted for the remaining 9-14%.  

Why were the lesbian and single rates 0%?  Of the 68 families entering the pool after us, only 3 are lesbian/single which lowers the odds of selection and makes it difficult to establish any trends.

Can we make any broader statements on the rate of selection?  Based on this data, I would say yes.  Above, we established that straight couples were being selected at an 86-91% rate.  Meanwhile, the chart on waiting pool composition shows that straight couples routinely account for 65-72% of the waiting pool.  This means that straight couples are being selected at a rate higher.  Conversely, gay couples are chosen by adoptive couples at a lower rate.

What Does This All Mean?
To date, we can establish that it is likely we will have a longer wait in the adoption pool because we are gay parents.  This was something we were told by OA&FS our first time around and it makes sense as some birth families may feel more comfortable choosing what they view as a normal family for their child.  While this difference in rate of selection between straight and LGBT families may be narrowing, I think we can say that it still exists.

Also, we can note that our wait time is higher than our immediate peers who joined the pool right after us.  Between June 5, 2014 and Sept 5, 2014, a total of 17 families entered the pool.  Only 6 of those families now remain (35%).

Looking Ahead
Soon, OA&FS will be releasing their yearly report which reviews the past year spanning from July 2014 to June 2015.  We'll be looking forward to seeing if their data aligns with ours and to see if they note any expected trends in wait times, locations of birth families, etc.  On the adoption front, we just received the monthly bulletin on Friday highlighting.  Over the past month, two families entered adoption planning and three families welcomed new children into their lives.  Very exciting to see great news for others as it's a great reminder to us as well that anything can happen at any time.

Day 436 - Life in the Pool

Today marks the 436th day in the waiting pool for us.  Since our last post in July about updating some of our adoption materials, there have been some general items in life that have kept us busy as well as some things that have kept our waiting status at the forefront.

OA&FS Contract

In mid-July, we got a notice that we needed to update our contract with the agency.  It was a necessity and a reminder that the paperwork never ends.

Speaking of Paperwork...

On July 7th, we got a notice that we needed to fill out new DSHS forms, have new fingerprints taken for FBI background checks, and also get our doctor checks renewed.  While the forms were easy, getting new fingerprints done and doctor checks renewed required setting up specific meetings for each of us.  If we don't get picked soon, it's going to start feeling like we're filling out an endless stream of TPS reports!

Screening Emails

I last gave a rundown of these on our One-Year Pool-versary post.  At that time, we had received 8 screening emails.  Since then, we have received 2 additional screening emails.  While we can't share details, I can say that one came in on a workday near 3:30pm and an answer was needed by 5:00pm!  The other screening email luckily wasn't quite as urgent.  In the end, we opted to have our profile presented to one out of the two.  I'll admit that I did get my hopes up on the one we said yes to as I'm getting more and more anxious as time goes on.

Work

In mid-July, I got thrust into a new role at work that has me doing far more management and coordination tasks on a high profile project rather than being in a position to do the design work.  It's been rather hectic representing an entire design team on a design-build project for a local light rail job, but I am managing to learn a fair amount.  Even with the opportunity to develop and learn, I'll be happy when the construction on this project begins to ramp down and I can take on a role with reduced responsibility and stress.

Vacation

On the plus side, we did get in a brief family vacation to start out this month.  For the first time since Dominic was a couple of months old, we took a real road trip!  

It was exciting to get beyond our local area and go down to the Oregon coast to see someplace new.  Dominic loved playing with seagulls on the beach and visiting a number of state parks on the drives.  

He also got a memorable experience from a t-rex at a store in Lincoln City which both enthralled him and scared the crap out of him.  It was one that was setup with a motion sensor and would roar and move its head up and down anytime someone entered or left the store.  Just getting this photo took a lot of convincing!

We also stopped at the Tillamook Factory and had some fantastic cheese!  Dominic tried several cheeses, had his own grilled cheese sandwich, and we picked up a nice mug with a cow on it to bring home.  

I'll admit it was a nice bonus that I got to stuff my own face with cheese too  :)

OA&FS Picnic

Earlier today, we went to our agency's yearly picnic.  It was a nice event to bring together families and local OA&FS staff.  There was also a face painter and about 10-15 bunnies to pet and cuddle with which Dominic really enjoyed.  While I didn't get nearly as much time as I would have liked to chat with the other families, it was still a good experience to see so many people together.

New Materials!

Today is like going shopping for that new outfit and bringing it home.  Except shopping for that new outfit took nearly 3 months, you tried on 30 different things, went to 1 store, then found out someone thought everything in that store looked horrible on you, went to 3 new stores hundreds of miles apart, and eventually got your snazzy new outfit, took it home, and waited a week before posting selfies online.  In case that was a bit vague, our online OA&FS profile has been updated!

Now what does it mean that our profile has been updated?  Really, we revised our entire library of materials that potential birthfamilies see when they are looking at adoptive families in the waiting pool.  It may not be a big deal, but it's really the biggest thing we've done since entering the waiting pool.

Item #1 - Family Introduction Letter
The Family Introduction Letter is the core of any adoptive family's profile with OA&FS.  It is your 2-minute elevator speech.  (It's a long elevator ride)  In one page, you get to introduce who you are, what your jobs are, where you live, who is in your family, your likes and dislikes, and your hopes with regards to an open adoption.

Ours hasn't changed significantly since last time, but it's a document that we still put a lot of thought into as it needs to be focused, informative, and yet personable.  Remember, we're engineers and communication is hard.  To get around that, I cheat the system.  For example, this morning I took donuts in to work just to remind people that I am awesome and they should like me.  Sadly, there isn't a similar parallel to speed up getting picked by a birthfamily...but I'd do countless trips of Top Pot if that was different!

Anyway..... when you look at our updated online profile page, this is all of the text that shows up.  OA&FS offices also now have hardcopies (hundreds) of our letter as well that is slightly different with images we built into the layout.  While we still need to work with OA&FS IT staff to make sure the bullets display properly in the online version, all of the content is now in place.


Item #2 - Photos
Admit it, when you look at anyone on anything like Facebook, the first thing you look at is their profile photo.  These photos are critical in projecting an image of who you are as an individual or as a family.  We have 2 photos in our Family Introduction Letter and 4 photos that can be viewed in our online profile page.  It's tough to choose the best photos that represent your family amongst the thousands that you can have on hand these days.  Luckily, we had it easy because even after going through all of our hundreds of photos, we still picked 3 of our 4 photos from the work of our favorite photographer  :)


Item #3 - Family Book
This was the toughest task for us to finish.  Technically we could have reused much of our old family book and just updated a few photos to show the passage of time now that Dominic is well over 2 years old.  Instead, I got overambitious and wanted the "fancy" outfit.

On the right side of our OA&FS profile page, there is a link to view our "Personalized Book".  While it displays and was printed in hardcopy through Shutterfly, we built the entire book outside of that website to provide a clean, visually impactful, and cohesive identity.  In short, I've spent way too much time with marketers at work.

I'm really proud of this though since it is completely unique from any other family book I've seen in the adoption pool and may even be more memorable.





While we want a birthfamily to choose us because they like us, it doesn't hurt to have a little professional touch that makes it easier for them to read our family book and get to know us!

 With all of this up, now what?  Well, we keep on waiting!  (Just keep waiting, just keep waiting, waiting, waiting waiting)  At some point we'll make it over to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, but it may be a longer wait/swim until we get there.

We're nearly 13 months into the waiting pool (as of July 5th), so that means my optimistic prediction of being chosen after 13 months and adopting a baby girl will be the next prediction that passes by.  However, that means Angie is up next!  She guessed a wait of 14 months and a baby boy.  Angie, I'll have my fingers crossed that you're right.  If not, you might owe us donuts :)

Day 387 - A New Milestone, Culture Shifts and Celebration

This weekend marks many good things for us.  First, the major news on the Supreme Court ruling is one that we cannot simply pass by.  While those of us in the State of Washington have been able to marry for many years now (since Dominic was a mere 3 weeks old), the hard work and sacrifices of many dedicated people have brought equality to the US.  Not too long ago, it would have been unthinkable for Andy and I to be adopting children and expanding our family.  Today, families like ours are rapidly becoming...normal.  Even though that makes life a little less exciting, it's a great step forward.

This ruling also coincides well with Pride weekend here in Seattle.  While we didn't spray paint Dominic's short-lived mohawk into a rainbow (we're terrible parents!), it is great to realize that Dominic will be growing up in a world where Pride will an occasion of celebration and fun rather than a struggle for basic human rights and recognition.



Now, on to the lighter stuff as this is a blog all about our adoption!  Today marks Day 387 in the waiting pool.  It also marks the day where we've submitted updates for all of our outward facing adoption materials!

Sneak Preview - Pg 1 of our New Family Book

Back in April, we began the semi-herculean effort to update our family book, letter, and online photos from scratch.  Technically, we could just throw some things together and call it good.  However, I'm an OCD engineer and I nit pick on every single detail, sentence, layout, and photo.

As part of our process, we've had one photo shoot with our amazing friendtographer Amy, dug through literally thousands of other photos from the past few years, and then written and rewritten content over countless evenings, nights, bus rides, plane flights, and random musings in the shower.  (You know those times when you shake yourself out of your thoughts and realize you've been standing there in the shower doing nothing for 15 minutes?)  Suffice it to say, this is a big milestone and I'm thrilled to be at this point.

Pretty soon, we'll have a new update to post once OA&FS makes the content update to the website official.  Not quite the same as an announcement of being chosen, but it's still a pretty cool accomplishment given that I'm really digging our new formatting!

Managing "The Wait" - 1 Year

As of today, we have been waiting in the pool for a full year (our waiting pool-versary?).  In essence, we've spent a lot of time with Ginger.

Ginger, our "waiting" pool giraffe

Given that it's been such a long time (for us), Andy and I have adapted to manage the wait differently.  I think we have both been busy with Dominic, with work, family, friends, and various projects.  On top of all of that, it's hard to dwell too much on the wait for a 2nd child.

For me personally, I've been starting to get more and more anxious as we've neared this milestone.  Dominic is now over 2 1/2 years old and we have started the process of updating all of our adoption materials because life changes quite a bit in a year.  Also, if we are still waiting at this time next year, we will likely be updating all of our adoption materials again and redo-ing our homestudy.

Looking back at our post reviewing everyone's predictions on gender and when we would get picked, I think it's been proven that we have a lot of optimistic family and friends.  Out of 10 guesses, only 3 estimate the wait at longer than 1 year.  At present, my prediction of 13 months is currently on deck and will quickly be followed by Angie and Andy's guesses.  Everyone else....stay away from Vegas  :)

From talking to our new counselor (Alissa), the average wait may have shifted down closer to 16 months, but there are still a large number of families waiting to be chosen.  As of today, we are one of 90 families in the pool.

Speaking of the pool, the OA&FS website lists families in the order they joined the waiting pool with the families waiting the longest showing up first.  When we joined the pool a year ago today, we were the last family on the list.  Today, we are 51st on the list out of the 90 families.  As of today, 50 families have been waiting longer than 12 months and another 39 families have been waiting less 12 months.  (There have also likely been several families that joined the pool after us and have already been selected which would influence these final numbers.)

While we haven't been picked yet, we have had a recent uptick in screening emails which has kept things interesting.  After 2 early screening emails last summer, we didn't have another until January.  In total since we joined the pool, we have now had 8 screening emails.


Looking ahead, what's next for us?  Well, we still need to finalize our family book updates to reflect fresh pictures of Dominic, ourselves, and a slightly revamped presentation of our book.  I'm definitely more inclined to tinker than Andy is (sorry Andy!), but this is definitely one way I'm managing the wait and feeling like I'm still managing some level of control in the process.

Thanks to everyone that has been so supportive over the last 12 months.  As we move forward, we'll have our fingers crossed that someday soon we'll have good news to share with all of you!

Day 101

Time for another check in on the blog!  Continuing the trend I've been on in previous posts by tracking the total days in the pool, I'm actually enjoying being a dork and tracking our wait in measurable numbers.  Seeing the numbers add up make me feel a little validated.  The way my mind works, when I undertake something big, I like to see continual progress rather than listless stagnation.

Of course, my mind knows that each day that passes also brings us closer to having two kids in the house.  At times, parenting one child is a handful!  Parenting two will be daunting at times.  I still remember when Dominic first came home with us and we became hermits for a few months.  With some luck, this won't happen to us after our second placement:

As another way of passing the time which both makes the possibility of a second child both more real and front-of-mind is that we're continuing to educate Dominic about how he will be a big brother some day.  He still doesn't understand the concept quite yet, but he is now frequently pointing out babies when he sees them out in public.  He also happily points out every "bus" too, but we're making progress!

Waiting Pool Stat Update

We were out of town for an awesome wedding at the start of the month and missed the usual waiting pool stat update.  Pending a more involved update in the future, here are a couple of highlights for the moment:

• Total Families - 96 (100 in Aug)
• 14 new families in the pool since we entered on June 5th (14.5% of the total pool)

25 Days & Counting

Ok, we're technically not counting, but it makes for a good title!

Amazingly, it has only been 25 days since we entered the waiting pool.  June has been a really busy month for us, so it's seemed like we've been in the pool much longer.  We aren't getting anxious, but it was a good reality check when I added up the days!

One question we've gotten a few times has been if we've had any screening calls.  Andy may post more on this later, but we have gotten 1 screening call so far.  It was a fun surprise when we got it the day after entering the pool!  I remember last time around when each screening call (really it's a screening email) would give us an immediate adrenaline rush, cause us to drop everything, run around in circles, and do some research.  This time around, I felt like a pro since we took our time and then gave our answer.  We can both already tell that this will be a more relaxed time in the pool as we have bigger fish to fry between work, taking care of Dominic, and our large array of other activities.

Is anything else new?  Of course!  We never really sit still.  The blog has been pretty active.  Earlier this month we posted a prediction pool on some fun baby possibilities and then put up a summary post over the weekend.  Earlier tonight, I posted the latest Waiting Pool stats which show that the waiting pool is up to 100 families for the first time this year.

Since we have plenty of time left to go until we're picked (November at the earliest by the predictions), we'll have lots of other fun posts to put up and things to share.  If you have any requests or topics to suggest, feel free to post them in the comments!

Waiting Pool Stats - July

After 6 months of posting statistics on the waiting pool, we are now officially a part of those statistics!  These graphs will take on a little extra meaning now for us.

Total Families in the Waiting Pool

Since I just put together a more substantial post here, this entry will just be about the basic nuts and bolts of the numbers.  As shown below, there is a clear upward trend in the number of families that are in the waiting pool.  For the first time this year, the number of waiting families has hit the 100 mark.

Compared to June, there was a net gain of 2 families.  However that only tells part of the story.  In total, 8 new families joined the pool while 6 families left the pool.

Next up, our ongoing stats by orientation.  Even with 6 families leaving the pool and 8 new families joining, there were was minimal change with each group changing between 0 and 2 families total.

Prediction Roundup

It's been a couple of weeks since our last post asking for predictions and we had quite a few predictions come in.  Just for fun, we put together a little chart that summarizes all of the guesses!

The top entry for "Average Wait" represents the low end of the average wait time for our agency.  We don't have up-to-date numbers, but this is likely 18-24 months.  Compared to this, everyone is very optimistic for us, so we appreciate your happy thoughts!  :)

Baby Predictions!

We've officially been in the pool for over a week now!  It's been a great week as there hasn't been any adoption homework or need to obsessively keep tabs on our pool entry process.  I know eventually that I will get anxious about a placement, but for now it's really nice just to settle in and to wait for things to happen.

While we're settling in, it's time to repeat something we did for our first adoption!  We put up a prediction thread letting everyone guess some basic things about our placement.  There was even one guess that got Dominic's exact birth month and year right!

Last time around, it was really fun with tons of predictions, so we're going to do it again here!  Just leave a comment here on the blog with your guesses for each of the entries below.  Whoever gets the closest wins a massive Super Deluxe Luxurious Grand Prize*!

Prediction Categories

• Placement Time:  Month and year
• Gender: Boy or Girl
• Birthfamily's Location: Washington, Oregon, Other, or a state/region of your choice

*Super Deluxe Luxurious Grand Prize may include a mention on the blog and a contractual obligation to provide 18 full years of babysitting.  Thanks in advance!  :)

Waiting Pool - March Stats

It's been a crazy week at work, but here are the "official" statistics on our adoption agency's waiting pool as of today.  It's been an interesting month with some shifting in the waiting pool that has seem some families leave the pool and a lot of new families join.  In the end, the waiting pool is nearing 100 families in total with 97!

Since our February totals, 11 brand new families have joined the pool and 7 families have left the pool.  There were also 3 families that re-entered the pool which resulted in a net gain of 7 families for the month.


Why would families re-enter the pool?
This feels like a good opportunity to feature a question some people might have about the waiting pool.  Why would families leave the pool and then come back into it later?  There are 3 main reasons that this would happen:

1. Disruption
2. New home
3. Taking a break

Of these, the first one is one that is always a possibility for any adoptive family.  An adoptive family can be "chosen," leave the waiting pool, and prepare for a baby to be placed with them.  During that time for a variety of reasons, there can be a disruption.  It can cover a large range of things with one main example being that a birthfamily opts to parent the child.

The other two reasons are entirely on the adoptive families.  If a family moves to a new house, then that means their homestudy would need to be updated.  (Luckily, Andy and I are settled in our home and won't be moving anytime soon!)  The last is that sometimes other families want to take a break.  It could be a breather after being in the pool for a while, or some families might travel out of the country on vacation and decide to remove themselves from the pool for a few weeks.  That's definitely not required, but it could help some families relax a bit more and enjoy their trips!

Back to the Waiting Pool Stats

Time for our last chart which builds on previous data by orientation. Nothing earth-shattering here as the only changes are an increase in straight families and a sizable jump in single adoptive parents from 3 to 6.  Still, no news is some news as it shows a fair amount of consistency!

If I get more time for next month's post, I'll try to skim through all of the profiles and draw stats on which families have at least 1 child already or simply who has pets. 

No One Puts Baby in the Closet!

Every week closer we get to this child's birth, the more our home is feeling ready. This weekend, it was time to get the crib in place! Brian's parents generously offered to get us a crib, and we've had the boxes sitting around for at least a few days now. Everything was good to go, except... there was nowhere to put it.

We're planning for the baby to sleep in our room at first, and then eventually to move to his own room next to ours. But for the first few months at least, we'll have the crib in our room. And that thing isn't small! So after struggling with IKEA-like instructions for a few hours this morning, we had an almost fully assembled crib sitting right in the middle of our room, and it didn't fit anywhere.

We tried next to the bed, but it completely blocked the closet. We tried putting it at the foot of the bed, but the blankets seemed like too much of a suffocation hazard. We even tried right by the door, but couldn't get around it to move in and out of the room. But suddenly, there was a stroke of inspiration:

Brian (joking): We could just put the baby in the closet...
Andy: No one puts Baby in the closet!
*pause*
Andy: Actually... hand me the tape measure.

As it turns out, our closet is actually the perfect size for the crib, down to an inch on either side! We took out the two small dressers and easily relocated them, took the doors off, and voilà! A built-in mini-nursery.

On a side note, we have way too many stuffed animals for two adult men. Luckily, there'll be a baby soon to make it seem more reasonable!

Next step, we need to paint the walls - white walls for a closet makes sense, but is far too drab for this kid!

One more thing marked off our list :)

Waiting Families Night

Tonight we went to our first "waiting families" event at the agency. Very unexpected that we would have been picked before going to our first event! And also ironic, given the topic: "Surviving the Wait". Yep, that 2 month wait was extremely long and arduous!

Regardless of that, it was really great to have a chance to meet other folks who are also waiting in the pool now. (Technically, we're all "waiting families" until after a placement actually happens.) We recognized a few faces from the website, and had a chance to get to know a number of them. More importantly, it was eye-opening to realize how much variety there was in everyone's individual process. There were certainly other couples there who, like us, have only recently started working towards an adoption. But there were also quite a lot of couples for whom adoption has been a multi-year process already, and they're still just waiting. One couple in particular we talked to worked with three other agencies before OA&FS - definitely a huge amount of time has passed for them so far!

During most of the evening, we decided not to share the news that we'd recently entered adoption planning. Given the topic and the emotional battle scars that were apparent for a number of people, it almost seemed like bringing up our good news would be gloating. But we did end up sharing it with a small group at the end of the night, and I have to say it was gratifying to feel their excitement for us! And Katie (the agency counselor we worked with for the homestudy) was facilitating tonight's meeting, so it was fun to chat with her about our recent developments as well.

The only sad part about tonight is that there's only one more event for waiting families before our potential placement on November 12. We were hoping to get to know a whole network of other adoptive parents, both pre- and post-placement, before our placement happened, so now I guess we'll have to amp up that whole process! But I guess there are worse problems to have :)

Babies Need Stuff

Note: This post was written a few days ago. We chose not to publish it immediately until we had more information about the situation!

So when our last post left off, we were pretty close to setting up an initial meeting with an expectant mother. There was just a bit of clarification we were waiting on from Courtney (the counselor), but we were definitely leaning towards saying "yes". Well, that information got settled, we agreed to the meeting, and set it up for the following Thursday. That meant almost a full week of nothing but nervous waiting for us!

In the meantime, we quickly discovered how entirely unprepared we are for a baby. I don't mean mentally or emotionally; that side of things is good to go! No, I mean in terms of actual, physical stuff. If a baby were to show up at our home today, we'd be woefully unprepared. Now, don't get me wrong - we actually planned it this way. We wanted to avoid having an empty nursery sitting around for potentially years as we waited, and so we planned on not buying anything until a call came. What we didn't plan on was getting picked so quickly! The hope was that we'd have a list of necessary baby items ready to go. But, I guess that wasn't meant to be.

So on Sunday it was time for a trip to Babies 'R Us to find out just how screwed we are. Wow, I had no idea how much "stuff" babies need! There's diapers, there's wipes, there's bottles and pacifiers; cribs, pack and plays, bouncers, and more. Just looking at the sheer amount of merchandise available was enough to make my head spin. And all that was before we got to the baby clothes.

Now, I'm pretty sure that baby clothes are the most adorable thing in the known universe. I mean, who wouldn't love a little child dressed up in a monkey onesie? Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?), Brian had laid down some ground rules before we went in: we weren't there to actually buy anything. Since this was only a potential placement and we hadn't even met the expectant mother yet, we were only there to make a list. *Sigh* So, no cute baby clothes for me that day. But sometime soon, I hope!

I started the weekend pretty overwhelmed by how much we had to prepare for the arrival of a child. After we got through making our lists, I realize that we still have a lot to do, but that it's also going to be at least manageable. But if this placement does indeed happen, the next six weeks are going to be a wild ride!

Baby Pick Em - Results

At the beginning of August, Andy put up a fun post inviting everyone to comment with their guesses on when we would have a placement.  Some brief facts before I list the results below:

• We entered the waiting pool on July 12, 2012
• Average placements per year range from 40-60
• There are currently at least 94 families in the waiting pool
• Assuming no families join the waiting pool, it would take 1 year and 10.5 months for all 94 families to be chosen at a rate of 50 placements/year
• May 29, 2014 is the date that matches a 1 year and 10.5 month waiting period

With that, here's the final tally of the 14 guesses.  We definitely appreciate all of the optimism!
 
Placement Date: (1) 2012, (11) 2013, and (2) 2014

Gender: (8) Boy, (6) Girl

Placement Location: (6) Washington, (4) Oregon, (2) California, (2) N/A

Date	Gender	Location
November, 2012	Girl	Oregon
January 2013	Boy	Washington
February 2013	Girl	California
February 24, 2013	Girl	Washington
March 2013	Girl	Oregon
April 2013	Boy	Washington
April (mid) 2013	Boy	N/A
July 29, 2013	Girl	N/A
August 2013	Boy	Washington
August 2013	Boy	Oregon
September 2013	Girl	Washington
October 2013	Boy	Oregon
January 2014	Boy	California
May 2014	Boy	Washington

Baby Names - Library of Info!

A couple weeks ago, we had a fun post about baby names.  In the post, we referenced one website (US Social Security Administration) which has a great history of baby name popularity directly from the government.  After that post, many of you had some great comments and suggestions for other resources as well.  Rather than keeping all of that fun info to ourselves, we thought it would be much more fun to share it with all of you and to essentially create a go-to reference post for everything about baby names!

Baby Name Wizard
Being a data dork, this site is just...fantastic.  The main page greets you with 4 options.  You can search for a name, graph a name's popularity, see a name's popularity by state on a map over time, or find some common meanings of names.  As an example, here is the overall summary page of results for my name.  It's full of lots of goodies like the 4 big ones and then other fun things like global popularity by country.

Nymbler
This is a fun website that allows you to suggest a single name.  Then it jumps in and suggests other names based on the one given.  In essence, it's a generator for name ideas if you're just starting out with a couple names on the list.

Name Nerds
This is a simple site that has some names grouped together by origin.
Behind the Name
Has some good info on the etymology and history behind first names.

As a fun teaser, here is a name graph for one of the names that is currently on my shortlist:

Remember that January Snowstorm?

Now that we're in to the month of September, it's fun to think back on one of our major reasons on getting into the waiting pool as soon as we could.  Back in January, we had a giant snowstorm which shut things down around Seattle for a couple of days and also knocked out power.  As we noted in an old post of ours about 'Snowmageddon 2012', there does tend to be slight increase in newborn placements ~9 months following major weather events/power outages.

Even though the odds of that potential baby boom resulting in us being picked between now and mid-October are not high, we've certainly got our fingers crossed!  Also, I'm not a fan of rooting against humanity, but I might be secretly hoping for another snowstorm to come this fall/winter to boost our odds for 2013  :)