Day 436 - Life in the Pool

Today marks the 436th day in the waiting pool for us.  Since our last post in July about updating some of our adoption materials, there have been some general items in life that have kept us busy as well as some things that have kept our waiting status at the forefront.

OA&FS Contract

In mid-July, we got a notice that we needed to update our contract with the agency.  It was a necessity and a reminder that the paperwork never ends.

Speaking of Paperwork...

On July 7th, we got a notice that we needed to fill out new DSHS forms, have new fingerprints taken for FBI background checks, and also get our doctor checks renewed.  While the forms were easy, getting new fingerprints done and doctor checks renewed required setting up specific meetings for each of us.  If we don't get picked soon, it's going to start feeling like we're filling out an endless stream of TPS reports!

Screening Emails

I last gave a rundown of these on our One-Year Pool-versary post.  At that time, we had received 8 screening emails.  Since then, we have received 2 additional screening emails.  While we can't share details, I can say that one came in on a workday near 3:30pm and an answer was needed by 5:00pm!  The other screening email luckily wasn't quite as urgent.  In the end, we opted to have our profile presented to one out of the two.  I'll admit that I did get my hopes up on the one we said yes to as I'm getting more and more anxious as time goes on.

Work

In mid-July, I got thrust into a new role at work that has me doing far more management and coordination tasks on a high profile project rather than being in a position to do the design work.  It's been rather hectic representing an entire design team on a design-build project for a local light rail job, but I am managing to learn a fair amount.  Even with the opportunity to develop and learn, I'll be happy when the construction on this project begins to ramp down and I can take on a role with reduced responsibility and stress.

Vacation

On the plus side, we did get in a brief family vacation to start out this month.  For the first time since Dominic was a couple of months old, we took a real road trip!  

It was exciting to get beyond our local area and go down to the Oregon coast to see someplace new.  Dominic loved playing with seagulls on the beach and visiting a number of state parks on the drives.  

He also got a memorable experience from a t-rex at a store in Lincoln City which both enthralled him and scared the crap out of him.  It was one that was setup with a motion sensor and would roar and move its head up and down anytime someone entered or left the store.  Just getting this photo took a lot of convincing!

We also stopped at the Tillamook Factory and had some fantastic cheese!  Dominic tried several cheeses, had his own grilled cheese sandwich, and we picked up a nice mug with a cow on it to bring home.  

I'll admit it was a nice bonus that I got to stuff my own face with cheese too  :)

OA&FS Picnic

Earlier today, we went to our agency's yearly picnic.  It was a nice event to bring together families and local OA&FS staff.  There was also a face painter and about 10-15 bunnies to pet and cuddle with which Dominic really enjoyed.  While I didn't get nearly as much time as I would have liked to chat with the other families, it was still a good experience to see so many people together.

New Materials!

Today is like going shopping for that new outfit and bringing it home.  Except shopping for that new outfit took nearly 3 months, you tried on 30 different things, went to 1 store, then found out someone thought everything in that store looked horrible on you, went to 3 new stores hundreds of miles apart, and eventually got your snazzy new outfit, took it home, and waited a week before posting selfies online.  In case that was a bit vague, our online OA&FS profile has been updated!

Now what does it mean that our profile has been updated?  Really, we revised our entire library of materials that potential birthfamilies see when they are looking at adoptive families in the waiting pool.  It may not be a big deal, but it's really the biggest thing we've done since entering the waiting pool.

Item #1 - Family Introduction Letter
The Family Introduction Letter is the core of any adoptive family's profile with OA&FS.  It is your 2-minute elevator speech.  (It's a long elevator ride)  In one page, you get to introduce who you are, what your jobs are, where you live, who is in your family, your likes and dislikes, and your hopes with regards to an open adoption.

Ours hasn't changed significantly since last time, but it's a document that we still put a lot of thought into as it needs to be focused, informative, and yet personable.  Remember, we're engineers and communication is hard.  To get around that, I cheat the system.  For example, this morning I took donuts in to work just to remind people that I am awesome and they should like me.  Sadly, there isn't a similar parallel to speed up getting picked by a birthfamily...but I'd do countless trips of Top Pot if that was different!

Anyway..... when you look at our updated online profile page, this is all of the text that shows up.  OA&FS offices also now have hardcopies (hundreds) of our letter as well that is slightly different with images we built into the layout.  While we still need to work with OA&FS IT staff to make sure the bullets display properly in the online version, all of the content is now in place.


Item #2 - Photos
Admit it, when you look at anyone on anything like Facebook, the first thing you look at is their profile photo.  These photos are critical in projecting an image of who you are as an individual or as a family.  We have 2 photos in our Family Introduction Letter and 4 photos that can be viewed in our online profile page.  It's tough to choose the best photos that represent your family amongst the thousands that you can have on hand these days.  Luckily, we had it easy because even after going through all of our hundreds of photos, we still picked 3 of our 4 photos from the work of our favorite photographer  :)


Item #3 - Family Book
This was the toughest task for us to finish.  Technically we could have reused much of our old family book and just updated a few photos to show the passage of time now that Dominic is well over 2 years old.  Instead, I got overambitious and wanted the "fancy" outfit.

On the right side of our OA&FS profile page, there is a link to view our "Personalized Book".  While it displays and was printed in hardcopy through Shutterfly, we built the entire book outside of that website to provide a clean, visually impactful, and cohesive identity.  In short, I've spent way too much time with marketers at work.

I'm really proud of this though since it is completely unique from any other family book I've seen in the adoption pool and may even be more memorable.





While we want a birthfamily to choose us because they like us, it doesn't hurt to have a little professional touch that makes it easier for them to read our family book and get to know us!

 With all of this up, now what?  Well, we keep on waiting!  (Just keep waiting, just keep waiting, waiting, waiting waiting)  At some point we'll make it over to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, but it may be a longer wait/swim until we get there.

We're nearly 13 months into the waiting pool (as of July 5th), so that means my optimistic prediction of being chosen after 13 months and adopting a baby girl will be the next prediction that passes by.  However, that means Angie is up next!  She guessed a wait of 14 months and a baby boy.  Angie, I'll have my fingers crossed that you're right.  If not, you might owe us donuts :)

Day 387 - A New Milestone, Culture Shifts and Celebration

This weekend marks many good things for us.  First, the major news on the Supreme Court ruling is one that we cannot simply pass by.  While those of us in the State of Washington have been able to marry for many years now (since Dominic was a mere 3 weeks old), the hard work and sacrifices of many dedicated people have brought equality to the US.  Not too long ago, it would have been unthinkable for Andy and I to be adopting children and expanding our family.  Today, families like ours are rapidly becoming...normal.  Even though that makes life a little less exciting, it's a great step forward.

This ruling also coincides well with Pride weekend here in Seattle.  While we didn't spray paint Dominic's short-lived mohawk into a rainbow (we're terrible parents!), it is great to realize that Dominic will be growing up in a world where Pride will an occasion of celebration and fun rather than a struggle for basic human rights and recognition.



Now, on to the lighter stuff as this is a blog all about our adoption!  Today marks Day 387 in the waiting pool.  It also marks the day where we've submitted updates for all of our outward facing adoption materials!

Sneak Preview - Pg 1 of our New Family Book

Back in April, we began the semi-herculean effort to update our family book, letter, and online photos from scratch.  Technically, we could just throw some things together and call it good.  However, I'm an OCD engineer and I nit pick on every single detail, sentence, layout, and photo.

As part of our process, we've had one photo shoot with our amazing friendtographer Amy, dug through literally thousands of other photos from the past few years, and then written and rewritten content over countless evenings, nights, bus rides, plane flights, and random musings in the shower.  (You know those times when you shake yourself out of your thoughts and realize you've been standing there in the shower doing nothing for 15 minutes?)  Suffice it to say, this is a big milestone and I'm thrilled to be at this point.

Pretty soon, we'll have a new update to post once OA&FS makes the content update to the website official.  Not quite the same as an announcement of being chosen, but it's still a pretty cool accomplishment given that I'm really digging our new formatting!

Managing "The Wait" - 1 Year

As of today, we have been waiting in the pool for a full year (our waiting pool-versary?).  In essence, we've spent a lot of time with Ginger.

Ginger, our "waiting" pool giraffe

Given that it's been such a long time (for us), Andy and I have adapted to manage the wait differently.  I think we have both been busy with Dominic, with work, family, friends, and various projects.  On top of all of that, it's hard to dwell too much on the wait for a 2nd child.

For me personally, I've been starting to get more and more anxious as we've neared this milestone.  Dominic is now over 2 1/2 years old and we have started the process of updating all of our adoption materials because life changes quite a bit in a year.  Also, if we are still waiting at this time next year, we will likely be updating all of our adoption materials again and redo-ing our homestudy.

Looking back at our post reviewing everyone's predictions on gender and when we would get picked, I think it's been proven that we have a lot of optimistic family and friends.  Out of 10 guesses, only 3 estimate the wait at longer than 1 year.  At present, my prediction of 13 months is currently on deck and will quickly be followed by Angie and Andy's guesses.  Everyone else....stay away from Vegas  :)

From talking to our new counselor (Alissa), the average wait may have shifted down closer to 16 months, but there are still a large number of families waiting to be chosen.  As of today, we are one of 90 families in the pool.

Speaking of the pool, the OA&FS website lists families in the order they joined the waiting pool with the families waiting the longest showing up first.  When we joined the pool a year ago today, we were the last family on the list.  Today, we are 51st on the list out of the 90 families.  As of today, 50 families have been waiting longer than 12 months and another 39 families have been waiting less 12 months.  (There have also likely been several families that joined the pool after us and have already been selected which would influence these final numbers.)

While we haven't been picked yet, we have had a recent uptick in screening emails which has kept things interesting.  After 2 early screening emails last summer, we didn't have another until January.  In total since we joined the pool, we have now had 8 screening emails.


Looking ahead, what's next for us?  Well, we still need to finalize our family book updates to reflect fresh pictures of Dominic, ourselves, and a slightly revamped presentation of our book.  I'm definitely more inclined to tinker than Andy is (sorry Andy!), but this is definitely one way I'm managing the wait and feeling like I'm still managing some level of control in the process.

Thanks to everyone that has been so supportive over the last 12 months.  As we move forward, we'll have our fingers crossed that someday soon we'll have good news to share with all of you!

OA&FS Annual Report

So a couple weeks ago, our adoption agency sent out their annual report. Being the numbers geeks that we are, Brian and I pored over all the updated statistics they sent. Nothing major has changed, but I thought it was a good opportunity to talk about what some of these items mean for us.

The updated average number of placements per year is now 41. (I'm not sure how far back that average goes, or if it just means there were 41 placements last year.) At the time I'm writing this, there are 97 families waiting in the pool. You don't need complicated math to see that there are a lot more folks waiting for placements than there are placements happening! At the same time, those numbers are fairly consistent with what they've been over the past few years, so there's not much of a surprise there.

At the same time, the average wait time between entering the pool and placement is down slightly to 14 months. So at least that metric's moving in a good direction! There seems to be a bit of a fluctuation with this one over the past few years, though. When we first starting working with OA&FS a few years ago, it was 10 to 12 months; it increased a lot the following year, and now it's back down again. It'll be interesting to see how this continues to change.

I was surprised to see that 23% of placements are last minute, meaning that adoption planning begins at or after birth. By comparison, a few years ago this number was at 7%. When we adopted Dominic, we had the benefit of about seven weeks' notice to get everything ready. But while we've always known it's a possibility that our next placement might have less time for preparation, this drives home how common it's becoming!

It was nice to see this report and get a chance to mull over some numbers, since that's how Brian and I tend to process a lot of this. We've been waiting for about four months now, and while that's a lot less time (so far) than most people wait, it's already almost double what we waiting before Dominic arrived! Who knows when a placement will happen, but I'm enjoying finding ways like this to stay engaged with the waiting process.