Finalization and Our Final Post

It's been a while since we've posted, so this post is long overdue.  Amazingly, life with two kids is much busier than just with one!

Now that it's been 4 months since our last post, Ariel is 4 months old (math!).  A lot has changed as Ariel has gotten older, Dominic has gotten used to having a baby sister, and I feel like I've gotten a +5 bonus in multitasking.

Over the past few months, we've been in great contact with Ariel's birth parents and their families.  They've been very proactive about staying in contact and we've seen them several times since we brought home from the hospital.  While it will be tough to meet as often with Andy and I being back at work and life going back to normal with less time at home, we're definitely going to be keeping in close contact.

On the other side of things, we really hope to be able to see Dominic's birth parents again soon. While we've tried a few times to meet up and give them a chance to see Dominic and to meet Ariel, it's been a challenge to get things lined up.  We'll have our fingers crossed that we can get together soon.






Finalization

Family photo at finalization with the judge

Similar to Dominic's adoption, bringing Ariel home from the hospital wasn't the final step.  Finalizing Dominic's adoption took place several months after he was placed with us and we brought him home.  During those months, the adoption agency had follow up meetings at our house, the counselor wrote up a report, our lawyer also drafted some paper work, and then a court date was finally scheduled.

For Ariel, all of that process took a little over 4 months and we were able to go through finalization just last Tuesday!  In effect, this milestone marks the end of the adoption process.


Looking Ahead
While this represents our last post on the blog, the fact that both Dominic and Ariel were adopted through open adoptions means that we will continue to be connected to their birth families for the years to come.

There will also be a lot of fun watching these two grow up together.
She's already giving him judging looks from her car seat during car rides!

After starting our process in late 2011, it's been an eventful 5 years to reach the point where our little family is complete.  Thanks to everyone that has read the blog during our journey and provided so much wonderful feedback and support!

Ariel Claire Magee

This weekend has been an absolute whirlwind.  On Wednesday morning shortly after 11 while I was at work, I got a call from Andy that we had been chosen.  Luckily, I was working in my main office that morning and was right next to Andy's building.  I popped over to his office and we were able to sit together for 'the call' with one of the counselors from OA&FS, Delphine.  It was exciting, joyful, and nerve-wracking all at the same time to realize how much our lives could change during that time.

This is what you get when you search for 'exciting phone call at work.
Not totally what I was going for, but it's about on the same level of crazy!

Compared to our previous path to adopt Dominic, this case was a last minute placement.  With Dominic, we got 'the call' about 6 months before he was born which left plenty of time for everyone to get to know each other beforehand.  For a last minute placement, everything is accelerated.  In this case, this compressed our first meeting, getting to know each other, ensuring that everyone is still comfortable with moving forward, setting the framework for the open adoption agreement, having an entrustment ceremony, and then finally departing from the hospital in the span of about 24 hours!


First Meeting
After getting the call, Andy and I rushed to handle logistics to make sure Dominic would have someone to watch him that evening (thanks Uncle Matt!) as well as figuring out what each of us would do with our jobs.  Effectively, we went from being active employees one hour with loads of responsibilities to telling management that we were about to be out on leave...immediately.  We always knew this would be a possibility over the past 2 years, but it was still a challenge for us to shift gears so quickly!

Once we sorted all of that out in a mere 60 minutes, we drove directly to the hospital to meet the birth parents and little Ariel.  While we only first met them on Wednesday afternoon and spent time with them through that day and again on Thursday before we all left the hospital, both Andy and I found ourselves talking again and again about how they are amazing people.  They're caring, genuine, and loved by so many people.  I feel lucky that they not only chose us to parent Ariel, but that we'll be able to continue a long-term relationship with them as we all see Ariel grow and develop over the days, weeks, and years ahead.


The Choice
One of the key questions many adoptive families have once they're picked is, why us?  Not long after we met the birth parents, we got to hear some insights into this.  Among these were that we would likely get along well together in the long run, we had similar values and goals for an open adoption, and that Dominic would make a great older brother for Ariel.

Andy and I with Ariel at the hospital

Every birth family has a different reason for choosing an adoptive family, so it's always interesting to hear these sorts of things.  One key thing I enjoyed hearing from the birth dad was that he wished he could give a baby to every single adoptive family he looked at.  Again, just a really kind and caring example of the type of guy he is.


Wednesday Night and Thursday Morning

Andy holding Ariel on Wednesday night

We had the great chance to stay at the hospital and care for Ariel overnight while the birth parents went home for some much needed rest.  Andy stayed there with Ariel.  A key difference for this experience compared to when we were preparing to be placed with Dominic was that we already had a child that needed to be taken care of!  With some key family and friends out of town or departing town first thing in the morning, I drove back home to relieve Uncle Matt and make sure someone would be home with Dominic.  After that, I energetically (hah!) threw together some baby items and attempted to install an infant car seat and then reinstall Dominic's car seat from the middle of the backseat to the side.  Being rather exhausted at 11:30pm, that was way harder than it likely would have been otherwise!

In the morning, I took Dominic in to day care.  We would have loved to have brought him down to the hospital to meet Ariel's birth family and friends, but caring for him for that long of a time would have taken away the focus from those that really needed it for the day.  I know we're all looking forward to having Ariel's older brother meet everyone soon.


Thursday Afternoon
The afternoon was a bit long because Ariel couldn't leave the hospital until she passed a continuous 90-minute test while being restrained in a car seat.  We waited to do this until some final members of the birth family stopped by to meet her and us.

During the test, we were all crowded around Ariel.  Delphine walked the birth parents, Andy, and I through the entrustment ceremony.  All of us were very informal about it, but it was a key event as we talked about our hopes for Ariel and our feelings.  It was quite moving.

The decision for a birth parent to entrust their child to someone else is a powerful thing.  It is not a decision that is made lightly and it has the ability to affect the lives of everyone involved in a very profound way.  During these final hours at the hospital, I wished that I could do something that would free the birth parents from any feelings of anguish and sadness, but there really were no special words or actions that would do so.  

Thinking back to Dominic's favorite movie, Inside Out, one of the lessons is that while society always tells us to put on a smile and be happy that it is ok to embrace sadness as well.  The ability to feel sad about something means that someone truly cares and may feel a sense of loss.  Building on this, Inside Out also shows us that sadness and joy can coexist in transformative moments of our lives.  For myself, the entrustment ceremony was exactly one of those moments.  Despite the sadness I know we all felt that afternoon, I feel joy knowing that both Andy and I will be the best adoptive parents for baby Ariel that we can be and that we will be able to help her birth parents see her grow and develop.

(Full disclosure: Inside Out is easily one of my favorite movies as well for this and many other great reasons!)

Dominic meeting his baby sister for the first time

Like I noted in a post the night we brought Dominic home, today's goodbye will become tomorrow's hello.  Already today, we have been trading texts and photos of Ariel with her birth parents.  Compared to past times when closed adoptions were the norm and this would never happen, I am truly happy that we are able to have open adoptions for both of our children.

Approaching the Homestudy Update

Life is moving along these days and it's already mid-April.  Since our last post, we've continued to accrue more adoption waiting pool "experience" on our way to the two year mark.  From our earlier post on our adoption experience to date (back in February), the big item on the horizon for us was our homestudy renewal.

Since December, we've been waiting to get a new counselor.  Since February, we've learned that our agency was having some challenges getting a new counselor on board.  Rather than having a new counselor work with us to do our homestudy renewal, we'll be working directly with a former counselor who is now the regional supervisor for the local office.  On one side, it will be nice to work with an experienced counselor.  On the other side, knowing that we'll likely have a minimum of 4 counselors over our wait does represent a level of inconsistency in our course through the process.

Now that we know who will be doing our homestudy, we do have a meeting setup with her to do all of our interviews in one go.  During that time, she'll get to see our house, conduct one-on-one interviews with Andy and I, and then collect any other info she needs to update our homestudy report.  For us, it'll be an opportunity to connect back in to our process and feel like we're doing something active during our wait.

Admittedly, the wait has been getting tougher over the past few weeks.  Just recently, there was another urgent screening email which needed a reply in under 90 minutes.  After an urgent call between us during a morning at work, we opted to say yes.  On my end, I then promptly lost most of my work focus during the day and had my fingers crossed.  It was still a long shot, but every little chance we have to be chosen just feels more magnified.  Of the 17 families that joined the waiting pool in the 3 months after we entered, only 4 remain.  There are still 19 families who have waited longer than we have.  Collectively, I know all 20 of us are likely very anxious and ready to be chosen.

When we began the process for our first adoption, one segment during our pre-adoption seminar was all about managing grief.  We touched on these in our summary posts, but from our perspective there was very little grief to manage.  As a gay couple, we never have had an opportunity to control our process to building a family.  That was a basic expectation.  We were just thrilled to be at that seminar and take the first step.  However, I think that topic is applicable to our status now.  Being unable to control our process, our role has been to wait while time ticks by.  As that time goes by, Dominic grows older, we grow older, and not much effectively changes for us with respect to an adoption.  Just the same as it was when we entered the pool, we could be chosen 5 minutes from now or 5 years from now despite having 22 and a half months go by.

In the meantime, we're focusing on keeping busy.  Just today, Dominic had a fun trip to the park to get out and enjoy the nice weather.  He's a happy little guy who has changed so much over the past few weeks and months.

His independent, smart, and adventurous spirit helps keep us active and on our toes.


Both Andy and I are training for a half-marathon in May.  We've each run races before, but never a half-marathon together.  With some luck, we'll both manage to drag each other across the finish line in decent time.  While we may have no control over the finish line in our second adoption, the finish line for our race is one we can cross under our own power...and hopefully in under 2 hours!

Adoption Process - What Does Our Experience Look Like?

Time to check back in after a few busy weeks!  Just recently, we have received a big jump in screening calls, work has clicked into a higher gear, and I was also somehow able to make time to meet with some friends in the adoption waiting pool or currently exploring the possibility of adoption.

Just sitting down to talk and think about the process of adoption got me thinking.  When we first started our journey, one of the things I found the most interesting and engaging were the stories from adoptive parents.  Their direct experiences represented a real connection to what Andy and I were signing ourselves up for.

Our first adoption with Dominic went very quickly.  That was great for us, but it also meant that we had a completely different experience compared to our time for this second adoption.  In fact, now feels like a great time for a refresher on the overall process to compare the two.

Typical Adoption Process
Looking at the basics, the adoption process after entry into the waiting pool distills down to a few key points for every adoptive family.

• Everything starts out with a splash into the waiting pool on Day 1.
• At 12 months, adoptive families need to sign a fresh yearly contract with the agency and some other minor paperwork.
• Next up is the average wait time for adoptive families at 14 to 15 months.  
• At 21 months, families still in the pool will approach a decision point and need to update their homestudy to remain in the pool after 24 months.  Many families opt to update their materials at this time as well.
• At 24 months, families will again sign the yearly contract and redo paperwork.
• This process will then repeat in two-year intervals (aside from pool entry) until adoptive families are either selected or leave the pool.

Our Experience
With Dominic, we barely made it into the chart above before we were chosen (just 2.5 months).  On this go around, there has been a lot more to document!  Building on the base chart, I've overlaid several key elements during our wait:

• Current Wait Time - 20 months
• Material Updates - 1
• Screening Emails/Calls - 17
• OA&FS Counselor Changes - 2
• Dominic's Birthdays - 2

While our experience isn't done yet, we are rapidly approaching the stage where we will begin a new homestudy.  We will hopefully have a new counselor soon who we will team up with for that effort and to help review a refresh of our family letter and book given that a lot can change in a year.

Until then, Andy and I are looking forward to a break away from thinking about adoption and work as we are taking a brief vacation out to Hawaii.  We haven't been there since our honeymoon over 5 years ago, so it will be fun to get away for a few days and recharge!

Kicking Off 2016 - OA&FS Holiday Party

While we're nearly to the end of January, the Seattle office for our adoption agency held the yearly holiday party today.  Understanding that the holidays can be crazy busy, it's really helpful that this event is always planned during a quieter time when many of the adoptive families and OA&FS staff can attend.

Face painting + Cookies!

We got to talk to so many great people from OA&FS.  It was great to reconnect in person since the last time we saw everyone was in August.  Our original counselor, Katie, was there.  We also got to chat with Heather, Delphine, Megan, and Maria.  Since our most recent counselor, Alissa, has moved on recently, it was very helpful to reconnect in a bit in person while we're in transition.

Dominic especially enjoyed the party.  Even though he was a bit shy to start out, he broke out of his shell and got in a few laps running around, loading up on sugar, and having a grand time.  He even got his face painted like a gorilla/monkey!

For Andy and I, we enjoyed being able to chat with some of the other adoptive families.  Being able to trade war stories and cute updates about our current kids is always a treat.  Personally, talking with the OA&FS staff was good for me.  It was exciting to hear that our letter was just sent out in collective books to potential birthfamilies just this week.  While that doesn't mean anything direct, it's heartening to hear that there are opportunities for birthfamilies considering adoption to get to know us as a potential option for their child!

OA&FS Annual Report

Every fall, our adoption agency releases their annual report which gives a great rundown of all the activities over the past year, stories of successful open adoptions, lists of volunteers and contributors, and also a summary of statistics.

If any of you are interested in taking a look, here is where they have it available online.

While I like the background and stories, I've got a mindset that has me skimming to the end to see the numbers.  Those numbers hold a lot of interesting pieces of information for us as we're waiting to be chosen.  Here are some key data points which compare the most recent fiscal year (July 2014 to June 2015) to the previous year:

Overall, there aren't too many differences of note.  The average wait time is 15 months which ticked up slightly.  (This is based solely on the adoptive families chosen during each 12 month period.)  If Andy and I were chosen today, we would just be slightly above the average as we are over 16 months in.

There are a few other fun numbers in here which can at least partially relate to the numbers from our last post showing statistics on selections from the waiting pool for all families joining after us in the window from June 5, 2014 to June 5, 2015.

Day 436 - Life in the Pool

Today marks the 436th day in the waiting pool for us.  Since our last post in July about updating some of our adoption materials, there have been some general items in life that have kept us busy as well as some things that have kept our waiting status at the forefront.

OA&FS Contract

In mid-July, we got a notice that we needed to update our contract with the agency.  It was a necessity and a reminder that the paperwork never ends.

Speaking of Paperwork...

On July 7th, we got a notice that we needed to fill out new DSHS forms, have new fingerprints taken for FBI background checks, and also get our doctor checks renewed.  While the forms were easy, getting new fingerprints done and doctor checks renewed required setting up specific meetings for each of us.  If we don't get picked soon, it's going to start feeling like we're filling out an endless stream of TPS reports!

Screening Emails

I last gave a rundown of these on our One-Year Pool-versary post.  At that time, we had received 8 screening emails.  Since then, we have received 2 additional screening emails.  While we can't share details, I can say that one came in on a workday near 3:30pm and an answer was needed by 5:00pm!  The other screening email luckily wasn't quite as urgent.  In the end, we opted to have our profile presented to one out of the two.  I'll admit that I did get my hopes up on the one we said yes to as I'm getting more and more anxious as time goes on.

Work

In mid-July, I got thrust into a new role at work that has me doing far more management and coordination tasks on a high profile project rather than being in a position to do the design work.  It's been rather hectic representing an entire design team on a design-build project for a local light rail job, but I am managing to learn a fair amount.  Even with the opportunity to develop and learn, I'll be happy when the construction on this project begins to ramp down and I can take on a role with reduced responsibility and stress.

Vacation

On the plus side, we did get in a brief family vacation to start out this month.  For the first time since Dominic was a couple of months old, we took a real road trip!  

It was exciting to get beyond our local area and go down to the Oregon coast to see someplace new.  Dominic loved playing with seagulls on the beach and visiting a number of state parks on the drives.  

He also got a memorable experience from a t-rex at a store in Lincoln City which both enthralled him and scared the crap out of him.  It was one that was setup with a motion sensor and would roar and move its head up and down anytime someone entered or left the store.  Just getting this photo took a lot of convincing!

We also stopped at the Tillamook Factory and had some fantastic cheese!  Dominic tried several cheeses, had his own grilled cheese sandwich, and we picked up a nice mug with a cow on it to bring home.  

I'll admit it was a nice bonus that I got to stuff my own face with cheese too  :)

OA&FS Picnic

Earlier today, we went to our agency's yearly picnic.  It was a nice event to bring together families and local OA&FS staff.  There was also a face painter and about 10-15 bunnies to pet and cuddle with which Dominic really enjoyed.  While I didn't get nearly as much time as I would have liked to chat with the other families, it was still a good experience to see so many people together.

New Materials!

Today is like going shopping for that new outfit and bringing it home.  Except shopping for that new outfit took nearly 3 months, you tried on 30 different things, went to 1 store, then found out someone thought everything in that store looked horrible on you, went to 3 new stores hundreds of miles apart, and eventually got your snazzy new outfit, took it home, and waited a week before posting selfies online.  In case that was a bit vague, our online OA&FS profile has been updated!

Now what does it mean that our profile has been updated?  Really, we revised our entire library of materials that potential birthfamilies see when they are looking at adoptive families in the waiting pool.  It may not be a big deal, but it's really the biggest thing we've done since entering the waiting pool.

Item #1 - Family Introduction Letter
The Family Introduction Letter is the core of any adoptive family's profile with OA&FS.  It is your 2-minute elevator speech.  (It's a long elevator ride)  In one page, you get to introduce who you are, what your jobs are, where you live, who is in your family, your likes and dislikes, and your hopes with regards to an open adoption.

Ours hasn't changed significantly since last time, but it's a document that we still put a lot of thought into as it needs to be focused, informative, and yet personable.  Remember, we're engineers and communication is hard.  To get around that, I cheat the system.  For example, this morning I took donuts in to work just to remind people that I am awesome and they should like me.  Sadly, there isn't a similar parallel to speed up getting picked by a birthfamily...but I'd do countless trips of Top Pot if that was different!

Anyway..... when you look at our updated online profile page, this is all of the text that shows up.  OA&FS offices also now have hardcopies (hundreds) of our letter as well that is slightly different with images we built into the layout.  While we still need to work with OA&FS IT staff to make sure the bullets display properly in the online version, all of the content is now in place.


Item #2 - Photos
Admit it, when you look at anyone on anything like Facebook, the first thing you look at is their profile photo.  These photos are critical in projecting an image of who you are as an individual or as a family.  We have 2 photos in our Family Introduction Letter and 4 photos that can be viewed in our online profile page.  It's tough to choose the best photos that represent your family amongst the thousands that you can have on hand these days.  Luckily, we had it easy because even after going through all of our hundreds of photos, we still picked 3 of our 4 photos from the work of our favorite photographer  :)


Item #3 - Family Book
This was the toughest task for us to finish.  Technically we could have reused much of our old family book and just updated a few photos to show the passage of time now that Dominic is well over 2 years old.  Instead, I got overambitious and wanted the "fancy" outfit.

On the right side of our OA&FS profile page, there is a link to view our "Personalized Book".  While it displays and was printed in hardcopy through Shutterfly, we built the entire book outside of that website to provide a clean, visually impactful, and cohesive identity.  In short, I've spent way too much time with marketers at work.

I'm really proud of this though since it is completely unique from any other family book I've seen in the adoption pool and may even be more memorable.





While we want a birthfamily to choose us because they like us, it doesn't hurt to have a little professional touch that makes it easier for them to read our family book and get to know us!

 With all of this up, now what?  Well, we keep on waiting!  (Just keep waiting, just keep waiting, waiting, waiting waiting)  At some point we'll make it over to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, but it may be a longer wait/swim until we get there.

We're nearly 13 months into the waiting pool (as of July 5th), so that means my optimistic prediction of being chosen after 13 months and adopting a baby girl will be the next prediction that passes by.  However, that means Angie is up next!  She guessed a wait of 14 months and a baby boy.  Angie, I'll have my fingers crossed that you're right.  If not, you might owe us donuts :)

Baby Predictions!

We've officially been in the pool for over a week now!  It's been a great week as there hasn't been any adoption homework or need to obsessively keep tabs on our pool entry process.  I know eventually that I will get anxious about a placement, but for now it's really nice just to settle in and to wait for things to happen.

While we're settling in, it's time to repeat something we did for our first adoption!  We put up a prediction thread letting everyone guess some basic things about our placement.  There was even one guess that got Dominic's exact birth month and year right!

Last time around, it was really fun with tons of predictions, so we're going to do it again here!  Just leave a comment here on the blog with your guesses for each of the entries below.  Whoever gets the closest wins a massive Super Deluxe Luxurious Grand Prize*!

Prediction Categories

• Placement Time:  Month and year
• Gender: Boy or Girl
• Birthfamily's Location: Washington, Oregon, Other, or a state/region of your choice

*Super Deluxe Luxurious Grand Prize may include a mention on the blog and a contractual obligation to provide 18 full years of babysitting.  Thanks in advance!  :)

Approaching Splash Zone

After months of preparations, we're nearly in the waiting pool!  In total, we have provided all of our materials to the agency and checked off every box on our list as of Thursday last week.  The only thing left is for OA&FS to handle the internal paperwork before we're in the waiting pool.  I have my fingers crossed that this will happen by the end of May (this week), but it could potentially be further out than that.

How could it take so long to process our paperwork after months and months of prep?  If you're asking that (hi mom!), you're probably not alone.  I have that thought crop up from time to time, but then I remember what the agency's priorities are.  Getting families into the waiting pool is very important to them.  However, many of their staff and counselors need to drop what they're working on when placements happen.  Speaking from past experience, when we went through Dominic's placement, that was the time that it mattered most to have support from the agency!  The engineer in me wants a hard and fast deadline for pool entry, but I keep telling myself that it'll happen when it happens.

A freakin turret!

In the meantime, May has mostly been a month filled with various projects and the relief of not having adoption "homework" hanging over my head most nights after work.  We have made a lot of fun trips to the park with Dominic now that the weather is getting nicer.  I've been training with actual consistency for a half-marathon next month, and we have also been working on Dominic's new bedroom!  Eventually, Dominic will move to the bedroom next to his and his room will switch over to the baby room.  (We might have decided it was easier to redo an entire bedroom for him rather than take apart the crib.)  One of things we did for that new bedroom was to make an IKEA run to get some shelves and bins for the closet.  While we were there, we bought lots of frivolous things that seemed like fun: a mini-chair and table set for Dominic, lingonberries for me, and a turret.  Yeah, that's right.  We bought a freakin turret!  Best $20 we ever spent.


For now, no other notable updates on the adoption front.  We're still at a similar point to last time, but I need to drive this story into the ground like I'm a one-man-CNN.  BREAKING NEWS - ALMOST NOTHING NEW HAS HAPPENED!  But seriously, something is about to happen.  When?  Who knows.  I'm tempted to speculate on it....but I won't.  You will all just have to look forward to our next post  :)

Pictures on the Fridge

Last week, we put up a whole bunch of pictures on the fridge. Brian and I have been saying for a while that we want more photos of our family and friends

around where Dominic can see them, but we just hadn't gotten around to it. So over the weekend I got a bunch of magnetic sleeves, had some prints made, and voilà! Instant portraits for Dominic.

And wow, were they a hit. Without fail, every morning since then the first thing he does after coming downstairs is to run to the fridge and start pointing at all the people. He loves it! I was surprised by how much he enjoys looking at all the pictures, and also at how well he can identify everyone. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends - he knows every name, and can even say some of them!

One of the reasons we chose to pursue open adoption was that we wanted our children to know where they came from, and to be able to have a relationship with their birth families. To that end, we've seen Dominic's birth family a number of times over the past year and a half, and I'm confident we'll continue on that route throughout the course of Dominic's life. But the kid's only 17 months old - I assumed that even though he's seen his birth family often, he didn't yet understand who they were. Surprisingly, the fridge has proven me wrong.

Dominic's birth parents are both on our fridge, and somehow Dominic already knew who they were without us having to prompt him at all! He can identify them by both name and relationship: when I say "Carly" or "birth mom", and "Jason" or "birth dad," he knows them both. And he smiles when he points to them, but there's one other picture that he gets even more excited about: the one of him with his birth brother Mickee. I guess he knows a cute picture when he sees it!

We spent a lot of time during adoption preparation worrying about how we'd interact with a birth family. And we still worry about it sometimes; any human relationship has to be approached with care and sincerity. But it's nice to know that at least for now, things seem to be off to a good start!

Waiting Pool - April Stats

It's a new month which means that it's time for a fresh round of stats!

After some graphs showing some less than exciting changes in the pool over the last month, time for a new chart!  Now that we're going through the pool a second time, we have an entirely new perspective considering that our family is different from so many others in the pool.  We have already tracked waiting families by orientation, but this time around it made sense to do a quick look to see how many other families have children as well.

As shown above, only 17 families out of the 94 total have children right now.  Each birthfamily will look at the available waiting families differently.  Some might want to choose a family without kids while others might choose an adoptive family with kids to guarantee that the child will grow up with at least one sibling.  Admittedly, we're hoping for a family with the latter perspective or one that is open to either case!

Homestudy and Transracial Adoption

In February, we had all of our homestudy meetings with our counselor, Katie.  We also turned in a giant pile of paperwork...

Office Kitty is not impressed with our papers

...recorded a video of the two of us that will go online with our profile where we answered the typical questions of "What do you like about your spouse?" and "Why does openness appeal to you?"...

Oh dear god, never do an image search on "openness."  Kids, the internets are scary.

...and then we also talked a lot with Katie about some major adoption topics like transracial adoption, attachment, and exposures.  Since we have plenty of time coming up and will review some of these later, I'll keep this focused on transracial adoption.

What does transracial adoption actually mean?
It's a fancy term for when you adopt a child of a race different from your own.  For us, Andy and I are both white.  A transracial adoption for us means that we could be adopting a child that is hispanic, asian, african american, etc.  The end result is that the child may look obviously different from us.  Looking at our first child, Dominic is a white baby that easily fits into the societal mold where people can easily assume that we are his parents.

With two dads and an old brother that are white, some of these kids might look the same as us while others would look different and be confusing to people that don't know our family

Even the folks from Avenue Q tell us that our family
will be judged at least a little bit whether we're a
transracial family or if we're all white

One point that really stuck out the most to me is that our future family could all be together in one place (Andy, myself, Dominic, and a future little brother or sister), and someone walks up and talks to Dominic about his "friend".  Thinking about how we perceive families, typically a child that looks different would normally be a friend or relative rather than part of the family.  It's something that would come up over and over again: at the grocery store, at security with TSA when we fly anywhere, on the playground, at school, and many other instances.  These are situations where adoptive parents and children are outside of societal norms and need to educate those around them.  For our family, we're already a little unique and adding one more layer of depth to our family isn't really that big of a deal to us!

So looking ahead, where are we at in the process?

Information Meeting

Pre-Adoption Seminar

Application Submission

Application & Intake Interview

Homestudy Interview #1

Homestudy Interview #2

Homestudy Interview #3

Homestudy Interview #4

Homestudy Completion

Pool Entry

Waiting in the Pool [0 months to 2+ years]

Chosen by Birthfamily

We're moving right along!  There are still several weeks of wrapping up our homestudy and getting background checks done by the FBI.  Beyond that, we also need to write and prepare all of our materials for our online profile for the OA&FS website.  Still a fair amount of work left, but we're likely less than 3 months away from the pool and should be "swimming" with Charley the Waiting pool whale again before summer starts!

Waiting Pool - March Stats

It's been a crazy week at work, but here are the "official" statistics on our adoption agency's waiting pool as of today.  It's been an interesting month with some shifting in the waiting pool that has seem some families leave the pool and a lot of new families join.  In the end, the waiting pool is nearing 100 families in total with 97!

Since our February totals, 11 brand new families have joined the pool and 7 families have left the pool.  There were also 3 families that re-entered the pool which resulted in a net gain of 7 families for the month.


Why would families re-enter the pool?
This feels like a good opportunity to feature a question some people might have about the waiting pool.  Why would families leave the pool and then come back into it later?  There are 3 main reasons that this would happen:

1. Disruption
2. New home
3. Taking a break

Of these, the first one is one that is always a possibility for any adoptive family.  An adoptive family can be "chosen," leave the waiting pool, and prepare for a baby to be placed with them.  During that time for a variety of reasons, there can be a disruption.  It can cover a large range of things with one main example being that a birthfamily opts to parent the child.

The other two reasons are entirely on the adoptive families.  If a family moves to a new house, then that means their homestudy would need to be updated.  (Luckily, Andy and I are settled in our home and won't be moving anytime soon!)  The last is that sometimes other families want to take a break.  It could be a breather after being in the pool for a while, or some families might travel out of the country on vacation and decide to remove themselves from the pool for a few weeks.  That's definitely not required, but it could help some families relax a bit more and enjoy their trips!

Back to the Waiting Pool Stats

Time for our last chart which builds on previous data by orientation. Nothing earth-shattering here as the only changes are an increase in straight families and a sizable jump in single adoptive parents from 3 to 6.  Still, no news is some news as it shows a fair amount of consistency!

If I get more time for next month's post, I'll try to skim through all of the profiles and draw stats on which families have at least 1 child already or simply who has pets. 

January Events

It's been a busy January for us and now that we're actively preparing for another adoption, there's been plenty of things going on!

First off, we attended our agency's holiday party last weekend.  While we likely would have gone to the party anyway, it put a different perspective on it for us as we got to spend time with adoptive families we have gotten to know over the past couple of years as well as some new families in the waiting pool.  One of the reasons we have really liked working with OA&FS is the environment.  It truly is an adoption "community" in so many aspects.  During the adoption process, they help waiting families connect with each other and with families that have already been through the process.  This type of process is a profound and life changing experience that links people together that might never have met otherwise.  This continues long after placement which just adds another great layer to how OA&FS works with families.  On an exciting note, Andy and I had the wonderful surprise of knowing that our blog has helped other adoptive families out there.  When we started this blog back in 2012, we mainly wanted to use it to keep in touch with family and close friends.  It quickly expanded and picked up far more interest than we expected which was a wonderful surprise.  Hopefully, our posts the second time around will continue to be exciting and interesting...but we'll see  :)

Speaking of doing this process a second time, we have our intake interview scheduled for Tuesday (1/28)!  We were recently contacted by Katie (our original counselor) to let us know that she'd be doing our homestudy this time around as well.  During this interview, Katie will be evaluating us to make sure we're ready for another adoption and she will also likely give us an update on how the rest of the process will go.  Considering that it's been about two years since we last went through the homestudy and paperwork, a lot has probably changed!

14 months old!

Meanwhile, life at home keeps moving forward.  Dominic keeps getting bigger and is already 14 months old. 

We also have plenty of projects at home in addition to the adoption which will keep us busy and certainly occupied once we're in the waiting pool.  A fun one was finally getting some toy bins for all of Dominic's toys and mounting our tv.  Our living room is no longer a death trap waiting for us to trip on 50 toys!

Adoption #2 - The Process

As Andy noted in his latest post, we have officially submitted our application to our adoption agency (OA&FS)!  Over the past few weeks and months, our blog has been rather quiet.  Dominic has kept us busy and in effect, our adoption blog didn't have any adoption-related things to post about.  However, now that we are back in the middle of the adoption process again we'll have lots of fun things to post about in the coming weeks.  Being the engineer that I am, I tend to like lists and schedules which means I'm going to use this post to outline as a refresher on the adoption process.  If you have any questions about our process or are potentially interested in an adoption with OA&FS, this post is a great starting point!

Adoption Process
This time around, getting the process started has been rather easy as we're veterans.  We've already picked our agency and completed our application paperwork which we started back in November.  So what's next?  Officially, our agency has a list on the Steps to Adopt on their website which shows a summary of steps from the beginning all the way through legal finalization.  The last time through, we put together our own list which was similar but had more detail on the early portion of the process:

• Information Meeting
• Pre-Adoption Seminar
• Application Submission
• Application & Intake Interview
• Homestudy Interview #1
• Homestudy Interview #2
• Homestudy Interview #3
• Homestudy Interview #4
• Homestudy Completion
• Pool Entry
• Waiting in the Pool
• Chosen by Birthfamily

Out of these steps, we're already pretty far along!  This is because we have already completed one adoption with OA&FS which gives us a bit of a head start.  Back in February of 2012, we attended the Pre-Adoption Seminar for our first adoption.  That seminar can continue to satisfy a few adoption requirements for several months to come, so we don't have to redo the full 2-day seminar (woo!). 

Looking ahead, we won't have anything else that we can jump past.  There will be meetings, papers to fill out, and plenty of other baby prep to do.  Last time when we blazed through the process to get into the waiting pool, it took about 6 months.  This time around, we started in November, and might target getting into the waiting pool before summer starts.  Speaking of the waiting pool, we had a series of posts last time around that tracked some basic statistics.  For those of you that enjoyed those posts, we'll be doing the same thing this time around too in the near future!

Pre-Adoption Seminar + 4 months

Earlier today, Dominic and I had the great experience of stopping in for one of our adoption agency's pre-adoption seminars.  For those of you that have been reading our blog since the beginning, you might recall that one of the first things in our adoption process was going to a pre-adoption seminar.

I know what y'all are thinking right now.  No, we're not starting the process again (yet)!  Instead, our agency asked Andy and I if we wanted to stop by a seminar to tell our story as adoptive parents.  Because of work and scheduling, it was just me and Dominic heading over to Seattle to talk in front of a few potential adoptive families.  Overall, it was really fun.  On one level, Dominic got a lot of attention so it was exciting for him.  For me, it was interesting to see adoptive families in the same spot that Andy and I were in just 12 months ago.  A lot has changed since then considering we have a 4-month old at home now!

Speaking of Dominic being 4 months old now, his 4-month birthday was yesterday!  Andy took him in for his latest pediatrician appointment, and the little guy is doing great.  He's about 25" long, 13lbs 15oz, and cleared to start trying real foods!  This weekend might involve an experiment with rice cereal.  The only downer was that he had a fresh round of shots and wasn't overly thrilled for a little while.  However, he handled it like a champ and is all better now.